10 weeks

Gosh, I can't believe I'm already 10 weeks.  Things continue to go well.  I had an ultrasound this week and the baby is growing very rapidly.  S/he is already measuring 11 weeks, 2 days, a full week ahead (I'm 10 weeks, 3 days today).  You can see a big difference in the ultrasound compared to last week.  In the top left picture, the baby's head is to the left and its hands are in front of its face!  Due to the quick growth, they wanted to push up my NT scan from January 9 to sometime next week, however the fertility doc has no openings next week.  So, I may see if my regular OB can do it.  My NT scan will be my last appt with the RE!  I'll see my regular OB for the first time on Thursday.  I still can't believe this is real.

 

As far as symptoms go, I'm feeling pretty good.  I've had passing nausea, but nowhere near the point of vomiting.  I've been very lucky.  I'm not showing yet and am still in regular clothes, though they are getting a bit tighter.  I bought a belly band yesterday, as well as a new bra from the maternity store.  It was weird to buy a nursing bra!  I'm glad I did, though, as it's a better fit and very supportive.  

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and wishing you all the best for the New Year.  I really, really appreciate all your support, cheerleading and good wishes!

 

It's a baby!

 We've officially graduated from "blob" to "baby" status!

 

8 week ultrasound

**Warning: There will be lots of pregnancy talk in this blog from here on out.  I understand if you don't want to read or want to unsubscribe.  I'm not going to post a disclaimer every week, so consider this a general disclaimer.**

This morning I had my 8 week ultrasound.  I must admit, I'm loving these weekly ultrasounds.  I have very few symptoms, so by the end of the week I always feel worried that maybe something is wrong.  The small amount of nausea I felt over the last few weeks is totally gone.  I have a good appetite and energy level.  If it weren't for the fact that my boobs have gone up nearly a cup size and are intermittently sore, I wouldn't "feel" pregnant at all.  So, it's always a relief to go for the ultrasound and see that everything is right on schedule. 

This week, the nurse doing the ultrasound couldn't get a good measurement.  The baby is obviously much bigger than last week and the heartbeat looks great, but the baby is kind of crammed in the corner of my uterus, so she couldn't get a good shot of its full length.  She tried and tried, but every measurement was coming up 7w4d.   The doctor and regular ultrasound tech weren't there, so she's going to show the doctor the picture and see if I should come back for another scan.  She doesn't seem too worried, though.  This week you can see the edges of the amniotic sac.  Hopefully next week the baby will have moved away from the uterine wall to get a better view!

Still going strong..

Sorry for the late update.  It's been a busy week and I'm currently basking in the Florida sun for the weekend!  We have to get these trips in while we can.  Everything is going great.  I saw and heard the heartbeat last week and everything is measuring right on schedule.  Pic below - it's still a blob, but a growing blob.  I'll be 8 weeks tomorrow!

Heartbeat!!

I saw the heartbeat this morning!!  I didn't realize it would be visible this early, but there it was, flickering away.  This is still pretty unreal.  I'm still feeling pretty well, but I've had some nausea on and off the last few days. 

I thought I'd share one of my favorite videos (the song in the background is "Heartbeats" by Jose Gonzalez.)  Just ignore the fact that it's a commercial!

First ultrasound

I had my first ultrasound this morning.  Everything is looking fine so far.  There's just one in there (apparently).  My next one will be next Monday.  My mom came with me and was very excited to see the ultrasound with me.  Thank you guys again for all your well wishes.  I really appreciate it and am glad that some readers are still rooting for me!

There's not much to see, but in case you ever wanted to know what a 5 week, 2 day ultrasound looks like, here it is:

I've had mixed feelings this week about my positive betas and pregnancy.  I feel somewhat guilty that this cycle worked out, because I know it hurts as an infertile to see others' successful cycles.  I don't want it to seem that I'm bragging or gloating about this outcome.  On the other hand, I AM excited that we've gotten this far and want to share these feelings with the community.

To my infertile sisters, I know it stings to see others' BFP's when you're still in the trenches.  I've watched countless bloggers and friends around me get pregnant and have babies, and I can totally relate to the pain and loneliness infertility causes.  That said, I do plan to post about my pregnancy on this blog.  I will totally understand if you want to unsubscribe to the blog and I'll try to be as sensitive and honest as possible.  Despite my good news, I am still infertile.  I suffered through 4 years of disappointment and failed treatments, and that pain doesn't just go away overnight.

2nd beta...

I had my 2nd beta this morning and it was 1378.  It could either be twins or just a really fast grower.  I'll find out at my ultrasound on Monday!

Beta result...

278!!!

We're off to a good start.  Repeat beta will be Thursday and possibly an ultrasound on Monday.

In shock!

Thank you guys so much for the well wishes!  You guys rock.  I'm still quite shocked with the positive tests.  I tested again this morning and it was a good, strong line, just a little darker than yesterday.  I haven't had lines like this before, in all these years.  I have put all this time and money into treatments, but the thought of success has been so remote in my mind.  We still have a long way to go, though, so I'm trying to keep my enthusiasm in check.

Bunny doesn't "believe" in HPT's - he won't be convinced I'm pregnant until I have the positive beta.  He didn't want to see the positive test and he wouldn't allow me to tell him about my possible due date or anything like that last night.  We've been disappointed before with the chemical pregnancies, so he's really guarded. 

Symptom-wise, I feel pretty normal.  I don't "feel" pregnant.  I'm very hungry and thirsty all the time, but I think that is a side effect of the progesterone.  My boobs are starting to get a little tender, but nothing I haven't felt before.  I've had some cramping and twinges down there, but it could be related to the constipation and gas.  We're at the shore for the 3-day weekend visiting my MIL.  As much as I want to shout the news from the rooftops, I won't tell her until next weekend at the soonest.  I can't wait for Monday to get here!

Drumroll please....

No words.

Progesterone is A-OK

I had bloodwork today and my progesterone and E2 levels are fine.  I guess that makes it worth shoving that stuff up my hoo-haa three times a day. 

The cramp I had yesterday is gone today.  Feeling pretty much normal, other than the usual progesterone-related insatiable hunger and thirst.  I had two breakfasts today and have had to keep snacks in my desk for my almost constant need to shove food in my pie-hole. 

I made a serindipitous discovery at work today - two Answer pregnancy tests in my work makeup bag!  I think they are from the last FET.  I'm going to take them home, they'll come in handy this weekend.

Symptom obsession time!

It's that time again - symptom obsession time!  I am 3dp 5dt / 8 DPO today (or 3dp 6dt, 9 DPO, depending on how you look at it).  Feeling pretty good, but I've had a cramp in my lower abdomen since I woke up this morning.  It's localized in the same spot all day, on the left side about 4 inches down and over from my belly button.  Implantation??  Maybe... then again I haven't gone #2 since yesterday!  (dang progesterone)  Maybe it's a bit early to obsess over symptoms, but I wanted to make a note of this one.  I must pat myself on the back for disabling my fertility friend account, which will keep me from totally obsessing.  POAS starts Thursday!

PUPO, take 3!

Here are our two embabies that were transferred earlier today.  The top one is a Day 6 blast in "good" condition, the bottom one is a Day 5 blast in "fair" condition.   The third embryo they thawed, also a Day 5, didn't look good so they didn't transfer it.  They'll  keep an eye on it and possibly re-freeze it.  The transfer went smoothly, though it was about a 45-minute wait to see the doctor because he was out on some emergency.  My bladder was painfully full, which was pretty unpleasant with such a long wait.  They have me on complete bed rest till tomorrow, so I'm currently camped out in bed with two cats, a few New Yorker magazines and a Bridesmaids DVD.  I'll have a blood draw on Tuesday to check progesterone level and the beta will be the following Monday!  Positive vibes appreciated!

T minus 4 days

Happy Halloween!  I'm 4 days until the transfer.  Stopped Lupron on Saturday, started the steroids Thursday and started Crinone yesterday.  I'm taking both the estrogen and Crinone 3x a day which is pretty rough.  The meds are taking a toll this time, unlike my other two cycles.  I'm feeling very tired and worn out.  I'm going to bed at 9pm and waking up tired.  I've never been on this protocol before - I was on a higher dose of Lupron this time and I'm taking more estrogen than the last time (though I was on both pills and patches last time).  My lining looked good on Thursday and we're all set for the transfer on Friday.  I still don't know how many we'll transfer, I guess we'll see how they thaw. 

I'm home early from work to get ready for the trick or treaters.  There are a lot of little ones in our neighborhood, so we get a pretty good turnout every year.  I really love seeing the kids in their costumes, very cute! 

A little infertility humor...

I recently discovered this web series.  It's pretty great!

Baseline

I went in this morning for my baseline.  Everything looked fine and things are on schedule.  I'll continue the Lupron for another 10 days or so, and will start the estrogen pills on Wednesday.  I'll be on them 3x a week for the entire cycle.  I'll also be on the progesterone suppositories 3x a week, which should be fun.  The transfer is scheduled for Nov. 4, which will work out great, cause it's on a Friday and I'll have the whole weekend to loaf and relax.  I thought I was going to be on steroids this whole cycle, but the nurse didn't know and the doctor wasn't in.  They'll let me know on Wednesday once the doctor is back.  This clinic communicates with patients through a voicemail system, which I like.  My old clinic didn't keep me very well updated.

In other news, I noticed recently that my hair has been falling out.  Nothing very visible, but it just looks a little thinner and blah.  My hairdresser even noticed it without me saying anything.  I asked today and they said it's probably a withdrawal from all the estrogen that I was on last FET.  Hopefully it will grow back once I start taking it again. 

Babies' first car ride

Today was operation: embryo transport!  I went to my old clinic and picked up the frosties in order to drive them one hour to the new clinic.  I brought the Bunny along because they told me that the container may be heavy and cumbersome.  It wasn't - it looked like a combination between R2D2 and a diaper genie.  The canister with the embies in liquid nitrogen was inside. 

Baseline should be Monday, assuming that AF arrives either today or tomorrow.  I still don't know when exactly the transfer will be, but I imagine somewhere around 2 weeks from now. 

Like Donkey Kong

FET, round 2 is on like Donkey Kong!  Bring on the Lupron!  It will start tomorrow and I'll only be on it for 2 weeks.  I still don't know the date of the FET but they'll tell me once AF shows up in about a week.  Next Thursday will be a fun adventure, when I get to transport my embryos to their new clinic.  Kind of funny that they're making me do it, but the clinics are only about an hour from each other so it's much cheaper if I transport them myself.  I'll take a picture!

Trying not to get my hopes up this cycle (don't I say that every cycle?)  I fully expect another fresh IVF in my future.  It would be nice to catch a break, though.  This time I'll make no vow to hold off POAS until 10-11 DPO - I'll probably start testing around 6 DPT and keep you guys posted on all the juicy details.

Finally an update

I should win the lousy blogger of the year award.  As you can see, when I'm not in treatment I really switch it off!  I've been ambivalent about posting about my regular life and things not IF-related.  For now, I'll continue to post about the IF treatment, with some real life updates sprinkled in here and there.  I still don't know if anyone I know in real life reads this.  I'm kind of afraid to find out!

Anyway, things are going pretty well.  August was a stressful month.  My car engine needed replaced, work stress and just general crappiness abounded.  But, things are much better now.  My car is fixed, we just took a great vacation to the Pacific Northwest, and life is calming down a bit.  Work is still stressful but should calm down in the coming weeks. 

Everything is going right on schedule for the FET.  I got all my meds a few days ago (only $70!) and am scheduled to start the Lupron around October 5.  I don't have the date for the transfer yet, but it should be the end of October sometime.  Some things I like about this clinic so far:

- No BCP's!  They just confirm ovulation and then start the Lupron on CD 22
- I'll only be on Lupron for 2 weeks!
- No estrogen patches!
- 50%+ FET success rate!

The thing I don't like is that the transfer will cost $5000, but they have a great success rate so I guess I'll get what I pay for.  I promise I'll start updating more frequently!

Sockeroo!

I am participating in the Sockeroo, started by Kymberli at the Smartness.  To recap, we exchange socks with another blogger and write a post on the following topic:

 It has been roughly a year and a half since the last SITM Exchange. Reflect on the past 18 or so months – how has support from others, either in the blogosphere or otherwise, helped you?

I have been through a lot in the last 18 months.  Specifically, 3 failed IUI's, a failed IVF and a failed FET.  My family and friends have been as supportive as they can, but most of them really can't relate to what I've been through.  I can't even really confide in my husband about my feelings, because he doesn't really understand either and it upsets him to see me down in the dumps.  My only solace during this struggle has been my blog readers and message board friends.  You have been the only ones to really comfort me, console me, and not judge.  You have been my cheerleaders, confidantes, and companions while I've been going through these treatments, through all the ups and downs.  Most of my friends are part of the "Mommy club" and simply can't relate.  Or, worse, they leave me out of their plans because they don't think I want to be around kids.  You have been such a wonderful support system, which I will depend on for the indefinite future.  I wrote this post to tell you just how much I appreciate each and every one of you.  So, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Now, the goods!!  Preshus Me send me three pairs of AWESOME socks!!  Here's the fashion show:

First, a pair of cute striped kneesocks!  Adorbs!

 Next, the awesome argyles!

 Finally, the black bow!  Love these!  (Sorry for the action shot - not so good at the camera timer!)

Thanks Preshus Me!  You rock!

Ouch

The hysteroscopy was this morning.  OUCH.  It was as bad (maybe even a little worse) than the HSG.  Luckily it didn't take very long, and my uterus looked "perfect" according to the doc.  I went for my bloodwork and they took 17 (!!!) vials.  So much for going to work today.

Now, the bad news.  The IVF nurse looked at the calendar and set me to start Lupron around the 6th of September.  Unfortunately, we will be on vacation that week.  So, I have to wait another cycle to start the Lupron.  My FET will most likely not be until mid- to late-October at this rate, which I am bummed about.  I was looking forward to getting things going ASAP.  I guess that's just more bad luck lately.

Very excited for my blog friend Gurlee, who got some great news today!!

FET #2 is (almost) on the books!

You-know-who made her arrival today, so we're now all systems go for FET #2.  I have to go for a "uterine sound" tomorrow (I guess that's what they call a trial transfer) and then a hysteroscopy and bloodwork on Monday.  I imagine I'll be starting BCP's next week as well.  Not getting my hopes up this time.  I've had a terrible few days.  I got stuck on a flooded road on Monday and my car died.  It turns out that water got into the engine and now I need a new engine.  I was shocked to hear that news, especially since my car is only 3 years old.  So, I've been spending the last 2 days on the phone with my insurance company, the mechanic, rental car company etc.  Work is also going pretty badly with lots of stress and problematic cases.  If this one works it will be a true miracle.  I imagine it will be sometime in late September or early October, but I guess I'll find out next week.  Is anyone still reading?  Comments have been light lately (though I've been a bad commenter too - sorry).

Sock it to me, baby!

I just discovered Kym at The Smartness and I think she and her blog are awesome!  I'm excited to participate in Sock it to Me, which she is organizing.  It's a great way to spread good vibes and love around the blogoverse.  I can't wait to model my new awesome socks!!

Still here!

Sorry for the MIA-ness of the blog lately.  I've been trying to get on with life and enjoy my summer without dwelling on my infertility.  Here's an update in bullet point form:

• The Bunny turned the big 4-0 about a week ago.  It was a low-key affair, as he didn't want to have a party.  He's not pleased about this milestone, especially since we still don't have a baby.  But, I keep reminding him that he's the best-looking 40 year old I know and that hopefully soon we'll either start our family or move on.

• My old clinic called me a month (!!) after my failed FET.  They had a meeting and decided that I should do a whole new fresh cycle, same protocol, and transfer 2 this time.  I guess it's one of those "keep trying, eventually hopefully something will work" clinics, but I'm not interested in a fresh cycle.  I told them thanks, and that I'm looking at other clinics.

• I'll be starting BCP's for the next FET cycle in a few weeks, with the new clinic.

• We're getting our house ready to put on the market.  We've lived in this townhome since before we were married (nearly 7 years).  We're finally in a position where we can afford a single-family home, though we're a bit worried about selling this place.  We hope we can get it on the market in the next 2 months.

• I had my AMH level and alpha-17 progesterone blood work done in the last 2 weeks, still waiting to hear back on both.

Consult #2

Last week, I went for another opinion regarding my failed cycles.  It was at a large hospital system with a high success rate.  However, it is a total bureaucracy because it's part of a large network.  Just getting an appointment, I had to make three different phone calls, then was transferred 4 or 5 times before they actually gave me the appointment.  The doctor was very nice and well qualified (Ivy-league education).  He reviewed my records with me and made notes, but didn't have any explanation of why the cycles failed.  The only thing he noticed was that the 225 units of Follistim I was on was a "higher than average" dose, and that my AFC count varied pretty widely from one cycle to another (though he said that it could be human error - different docs read the ultrasounds differently).  I brought up the P4 / premature luteinization issue with him, but he didn't think that was an issue (though didn't seem to know one way or the other).  The only thing he recommended was to get my AMH level tested, which I have never done.  So, I'll do that this week.

Meanwhile, I got a thank-you note from the first doctor I visited!!  They made such a great impression on me, I've decided to go with the first clinic.  It's further away (about an hour drive from my house), but my mom only lives 30 minutes away, so if I have a very early appointment, I can stay at her place.  I'm going to write a nice thank-you note to my current clinic.  The plan at this point is to sit out at least one more cycle, then go ahead with the final FET maybe in September.  I'll have a hysteroscopy when I'm on BCP's for the FET.  (so many acronyms!)  Until then, we will be in complete r&r summer-enjoying mode!

New RE consult today.

I consulted with a new RE today.  His clinic is about an hour away, but has very high success rates.  It was a very interesting meeting and much different from my current clinic.  I loved it!  It's a smaller but very patient-focused.  I met a lot of the staff and sat down with all of them.  The doc reviewed my records and has a very interesting theory of why my IVF's failed.  He looked at my P4 (progesterone) levels before the transfer and found them to be way too high.  (At the first IVF, it was 2.8, the FET it was 1.8).  He says that my uterus was no longer receptive to implantation with those progesterone levels.  Basically, the uterus was not in sync with the rest of the body.  I've been unable to verify this via Dr. Google, but an interesting theory nonetheless.  He suggests a hysteroscopy, then an FET taking steroids throughout the cycle.  I'm consulting with one more clinic next week but will probably go with him.

Congrats to S!

Just wanted to give a shout-out to my dear blog friend S, who receive a great long-awaited positive beta today.  Congratulations, S, and best of luck to you!!

Still here and taking a break.

Thanks for your sympathy and good wishes.  You guys are a great support.  This cycle failure is finally starting to sink in and I'm ashamed to say I broke down in tears on the flight home from our vacation.  It's getting to be too much for me to handle.  I can't believe I have had 2 failed IVF cycles.  I really thought this would be the solution to our problems.  I feel like I'm starting to become one of those "veteran" IVF-ers, with many failed cycles, and I'm really losing hope that this will ever happen for us.  We're coming up on 4 years of trying to conceive.  I just can't believe we're at this point.  Everyone I know in real life has gotten pregnant with or without treatment by now.  My only friend who did IVF got pregnant on her first try.  People are really starting to pity me.  It's depressing.

That said, I'm stepping away from the blog and Fertility Friend.  I need some time to concentrate on myself and not think about infertility.  As happy as I am to see my blog friends and FF buddies get their BFP's, I'm really starting to feel like the person left out of the party.  I'll try to comment when I can, but I just need a break from it all. 

Another BFN.

Got the beta call about an hour ago - another BFN.  I expected it, but one always hopes that the HPT's were wrong.  I'm in much better mental shape about this one than I was last time.  I teared up a little when I drove from the clinic this morning, but other than that I haven't even cried.  I'm just tired.  Sick and tired of 3+ years of infertility treatment, month after month of disappointment, and failed treatment after failed treatment.  (This will be my "lucky" 7th failed treatment).  The plan now is to find a new clinic and figure out what the hell is wrong with my uterus.

Not looking good...

So much for my iron will and nerves of steel!  I tested this morning.  BFN.  Not even the tiniest whisper of a line.  It's still a little early (9dp5dt) but my hope is fading fast.  At this time last cycle, I had a positive, even though my beta was only 11.  They say that thawed embryos tend to implant later and be slower starters, so that's really my only solace.  I'll test again tomorrow and we'll see what Friday's beta brings.  I'm having cramps on and off, but they could be premenstrual cramps. 

Still here... waiting it out

Checking in after a busy weekend!  We went down to our beach house and did a lot of housework.  I scraped wallpaper and cleaned in general.  I also went kayaking on Saturday with my mother in law, which was very fun.  I worried a little about over-exerting myself, but it was very easy and laid back.  I figured if my 75-year-old mother in law can do it, so can I!  Trying to keep my mind distracted, so that I don't get anxious or tempted to test.  So far, I have no desire to.  Let's hope my resolve holds up until Thursday morning.  Symptom-wise, not that much to report.  I've had some twinges in the ute area, my boobs are very full, though not particularly sore, some gas, that's about it.  (Sorry if TMI).  I'm trying not to over-analyze it.  If it worked, it worked, if not, we'll try again.  Just trying to stay positive!

PUPO (again)

I am PUPO (again).  (= pregnant until proven otherwise)  The day started rough but the transfer went smoothly.  I woke up at 4:30 AM with an earache and couldn't get comfortable, so I got up.  (The same ear that gave me trouble over my last IUI cycle).  I assume that the Z-pack antibiotics I'm already on for the transfer should zap the ear infection.  I'm pretty tired though and will go to bed early tonight.

They thawed 2 embryos and both survived the thaw and looked "good" according to the embryologist.  Both were transferred and I laid there listening to my iPod for 25 minutes.  The Bunny didn't come with me this time, as he had a lot of work piled up after the long weekend.  It was fine without him, though.  I had a celebratory lunch at PF Chang's and am now in "sofa" mode.  I'll have a blood draw Friday for E2 levels, then the beta the following Friday.  I'll try my damndest not to test till Thursday, and even then I plan to only do a digital test. 

Transfer eve...

Getting ready for the big day tomorrow.  I had a nice weekend at our beach house (though we did chores the whole time and didn't even get to the beach!)  Now I'm cleaning the house, doing laundry, preparing food and doing other chores so that I can take it easy the next 2 days.  I'll have my last glass(es) of wine tonight and a nice dinner. (Yes, I drank in moderation during this cycle).  The transfer will be at 11:30 AM tomorrow.  I'm looking forward to seeing how my frosties do.  I'll get to meet them tomorrow.  Please, God, let this be the one.

All clear for transfer!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while.  I'm just letting things move along this cycle without obsessing too much.

I had my one and only monitoring appointment this morning.  The doctor thought she saw some fluid in my abdomen, but it turned out that she just had the wand pointed the wrong way!  It freaked me out for a minute.  My lining is fine (though I didn't get the measurement number) so all is clear for my transfer on Tuesday.  They'll thaw the embryos that morning.  I have 2 vials with 2 embies in them, and 1 vial with 1.  So, they'll thaw one of the ones with 2, then if one of those doesn't survive the thaw, they'll thaw the single one.  They have about a 75% survival rate of the thawed embryos.  (Is this good?  I think I've heard higher rates from other clinics).  Anyway, we have plenty to work with.  I'm done with Lupron as of today, continuing on the estrogen patches and pills, and I'll start the Crinone tomorrow.  I'll check back in on transfer day.

Love to Jen!

Many of you already know and love the fabulous Jennepper.  I've been reading her blog for about 3 years and I LOVE her clever and funny writing.  Her daughter has been in the NICU since birth and the family has been through a lot of hardship in the last few months.  Please click over to this website to show her some love and support - I know I will!  Love you, Jen!

Right on schedule

Things are going right on schedule!  AF came as expected and today was my last day of 10 units of Lupron.  Tomorrow I'll start the "calendar" (as my clinic calls it).  I'll be doing estrogen pills and patches along with 5 units of Lupron daily.  Then, I'll start the Crinone, antibiotics and steroids a few days before the transfer.  The transfer is still scheduled for May 31 (the day after Memorial Day), unless something goes wrong with my lining, in which case the transfer will be postponed. 

I'm still having headaches and crappiness from the Lupron, but I'm hoping it will subside when I decrease the dose tomorrow.  I'm in a totally different place mentally this cycle - not as cheery, calm and positive as I was last time.  I'm also very stressed out with work.  Hopefully things will calm down and I'll be in a better mindset, but I don't want to get my hopes up too much this time.

Lupron = rough!

I've been on the Lupron for over a week now and it's been a little tougher this time.  I've had pretty bad headaches every day and been VERY moody!  I just got AF and will call tomorrow for my meds schedule.  I'll be starting all those patches and pills later this week, I imagine.  I hope these weeks go by fast, I just want to have the transfer ASAP!

I just got a call from my brother that his wife is pregnant, due in early December. It's the first grandchild in our family!  It was nice of him to call me and let me know ahead of our mother's day get together today.  I have to say, I don't feel bitter or resentful about it, just a tinge of jealousy.  I am also really thrilled for them and if all goes well, maybe we'll be pregnant together.  That would be really awesome for our family if that happens.  If anyone I know IRL reads this, keep mum please!

IF on the brain!

I was filling out visa paperwork for a client today and look what the security code was:



I swear, I can't get away from IF!  LOL

In other news, I started Lupron today.  Stopping BCP's next week, then the fun begins.

Bargain basement FET

I'm absolutely floored by how "cheap" this FET is compared to the fresh cycle.  The clinic sent me a quote of $1441.39 for the transfer (including thawing, culture, ultrasound and transfer).  I got my meds yesterday and they were only $79!  I guess all the Follistim and Menopur and other non-covered drugs add up on a fresh cycle.  Even if we don't end up with a take home baby, our wallets will get a break this cycle. 

FET schedule

The FET is officially on the books.  Schedule is as follows:

4/14 - Started BCP's
4/27 - Start Lupron
5/8 - Stop BCP / wait for period
Then comes a super complicated calendar of estrace / Lupron and patches
5/31 - Transfer date
6/9 (Approx) - Beta day

Maybe we'll have some good luck, finally!

Decision: made

We thought about it over the weekend and have decided to go ahead with the FET.  If this one doesn't work, we'll decide whether to switch clinics.  I'll be starting BCP's in a few days.  We are telling NO ONE in real life, not even our parents.  (If anyone I know IRL reads this please keep mum).  Transfer will be some time in May.

Finally saw the doctor...

We finally had the follow-up consultation with the RE today.  It only took a whole month after the IVF failure. *sarcasm*  My questions and his answers were as follows:

Why is their FET success rate so low?  (In 2009 it was only 18%).

Answer: Doc said that they had some issues with the lab which have now been resolved - something to do with chemicals seeping over from a neighboring office unit (!!!)  He also says that they have taken some "borderline" cases, I guess meaning women who have a low chance of success, which other clinics don't take.  With frozen transfers, it doesn't really matter who does the transfer, but rather the embryo quality and how they were frozen.  I've also heard this from another doctor.

What's my AMH level?

Answer: They've never checked.  They find that FSH is a better indicator of egg quality, while AMH reflects merely the quantity of eggs.

I asked if maybe my polyp has come back.  Maybe there's something wrong with my uterus preventing implantation?

Answer:  Sonohysterogram done in January indicated that there is nothing in there.  The embryo makes its own environment, so as long as the lining measures OK, there should be an implantation problem unless there's a problem with the embryo.

Were my embryos good quality?

Answer:  Yes, they wouldn't have been frozen if they were not.  I have 4 5-day frosties and 1 6-day.  (I thought it was the reverse).  They'll freeze and transfer 2.  If one of the 2 doesn't survive the thaw, then they'll thaw another one.

The doctor was very sympathetic of our situation and said that above all, they want us to succeed.  They encouraged me to seek a second opinion.  Now I need to decide whether to start the FET cycle right away or get another opinion and maybe switch clinics.  Time is of the essence, as AF is (over)due and if I get it in the next few days, I'll have to start BCP's.  Bunny wants to stick with the clinic and start right away.  I'll think about it and decide in the next few days.  What do you guys think?

100th post!

Welcome to my 100th post!  This blog started when my fertility treatment started and I can't believe it's been 100 posts.  Thanks for sharing the journey with me.

I just got back from a much-needed vacation.  It was nice to get away and recharge my batteries.  I was hoping to have a message from my doctor's office when I got back, but no such luck.  I called them today and scheduled a consult for April 8 to discuss next steps.  I'm still not sure if I'll stick with them for the FET - I'll decide after the consult.  To add insult to injury, I had a bill waiting for me when I got back of over $1800 for some things that my insurance didn't cover (apparently when they saw the "infertility" diagnosis, they denied EVERYTHING).  I'm going to try and fight it a little bit, but I doubt they'll pay.  I HATE that so few insurance companies cover fertility treatments.

I'm still feeling pretty bad about the IVF failure.  Those first two weeks were the worst - I walked around in a total funk.  I could barely get out of bed, go to work and get through my day.  It's getting a little better (I've started exercising again and the trip really helped) but still not fully ready to get back on the horse for the FET.  I imagine it will probably take place around May.

Grieving and moving on

First, I appreciate everyone's support through this whole process.  You ladies can really relate to what I'm going through, more than anyone I know in "real life."  I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your thoughts, prayers and wonderful comments.

I had a rough day Friday after hearing the news.  I got the news while at work, and had to keep myself together until I got home.  I already pretty much knew it was over, so it wasn't a total shock.  It was hard to break it to the Bunny, but he took it a lot better than I expected.  He just comforted me and said we'll have to keep trying.  After a lot of tears, now I just feel numb.  I know it's not the end of the world.  After losing my wonderful Dad at age 22, no other hardship in my life has been as bad as that.  So, that helps me put things in perspective.

Now, I need to talk to my clinic to get their point of view on why this failed, especially since it was such a "perfect" cycle.  I really like my clinic, but their frozen embryo transfer (FET) results are pretty dismal.  There is a much better clinic about 30 minutes away in Philadelphia.  So, I may switch clinics for the FET.  I'm still waiting for AF to start, but we'd like to do the FET maybe in April or May.   We have 5 frozen embies, so hopefully we'll get 2 FET's out of it.

Negatory.

It's over for me.  My beta was 5.  I'm stopping the Estrace and Crinone today.  They'll retest Monday to make sure it's all gone.  So much for that.

Feeling pretty down...

I have a confession to make.  I actually started peeing on sticks on Monday!  I didn't post anything up here because I wasn't getting clear results, so didn't want to make the same mistake as last time.  I've had very light lines on the internet cheapies, FRER and Answer, but not really getting any darker, but not lighter either.  After yesterday's beta, I decided to keep POAS so I'd see if it looked like my HCG level was increasing.  As of today, still getting a very faint line on the internet cheapies, but the Answer was totally negative.  I'm feeling like this pregnancy isn't going to last.  Put it this way -- a beta below 10 isn't considered clinically pregnant.  Mine was 11.5.  I just don't see how that is viable.  I guess I'll find out tomorrow, but not feeling hopeful about this cycle.

Beta results are in....

Just got the call.  Beta was 11.5 - pretty low.  I was told to be "cautiously optimistic" but we need to retest Friday to see if it doubles, then every Tuesday and Friday from there.  The nurse said they've seen betas as low as 6 lead to viable pregnancies.  So, good news, bad news I guess.

The worst part of the wait

Today I am 7DP5DT, or 12 DPO.  I'm very anxious about the outcome of this cycle, as you can imagine! I've been sleeping fitfully and dreaming about peesticks.  But, I'm trying to hold off until my beta, which will be Wednesday.  I'm going in around 8AM for the blood test and will probably get the call around 1PM.  I plan to leave work at noon, because I know that, good or bad, I'll have a lot of phone calls to make.  If it's bad news, I don't know how I'll take it and I don't want to cry in front of my clients (been there, done that).  I'll check in on Wednesday once I have my beta!

Frosty report...

We got 5 frosties!  Four were frozen yesterday, and one was frozen today.  So that's good news too!

Officially PUPO

The transfer was earlier today.  I arrived at the clinic at noon with a full bladder (but luckily not uncomfortably full).  We were brought in the transfer room and the nurse checked my bladder with the external ultrasound and found it to be full enough.  The doc and embryologist came in.  The embryologist advised me that we still have "several" growing embryos, but the two best were an AA and a BB grade (I think that's what she said).  They gave me the option of transferring one or two.  I chose to transfer one, which is what they advise for my age.  We signed the consent and the doc placed the outer tube of the catheter through my cervix, which wasn't a big deal.  Once it was placed, he sent the embryologist to pick up the embryo.  She came back with it and he asked her what she had.  She said "One blastocyst for [my name here]."  It was very official.  We watched on the external ultrasound while the embryo was transferred.  Very cool!  I thought they would give us a picture of it, like many clinics do, but they did not.  I laid there for 30 minutes, then finally pee'd and headed home.  I've been trying to relax as much as possible today, though I can't help but do laundry.  I'll start the estrogen pills tomorrow, bloodwork on Thursday and then the beta will be Tuesday!  But, I will consider myself PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise) until then.  We'll get the freeze report tomorrow.

Transfer will be Monday!

Things are going very well this cycle!  We have 8 embies still growing as of today (which is day 3).  So, we will have a 5-day transfer on Monday at around noon.  I'm feeling OK, still not 100%  I still have cramps, lower backache, and kind of a constipated, gassy feeling in my abdomen (sorry if TMI!)  My belly is so swollen that I can't lay on my stomach at night, though I haven't gained that much weight.  I'll have acupuncture on Tuesday, so that will be good timing.  I'm surprisingly relaxed about this process and not stressing too much.  I downloaded some guided meditation podcasts, so I'll be listening to them over the coming weeks as much as possible.  I'll check back in Monday after the transfer!

Fertilization report

Just got the call from the clinic.  Out of my 12 eggs, 6 were ICSI'd and 6 were allowed to fertilize naturally.  Of the 6 ICSI'd, 5 fertilized.  Of the 6 natural ones, 4 fertilized.  So, we have 9 embies in the running.  I'm excited and relieved.

A dozen eggs, please!

The retrieval was today, and they got a dozen eggs.  The doctor said that it went "perfect" and that 12 is just what they were hoping for.  I'm please about that number too, because it will give us a lot to work with.  If some don't fertilize or aren't good quality, hopefully we'll have a few that are and some left to freeze.  I'm hoping for a 4 or 5-day transfer.  They have a very nice setup in their IVF center.  I hadn't been there before, as it's separate from the rest of the clinic.  They even gave me a nice fleece blanket with their logo on it.  They will ICSI half of them and allow the other half to fertilize naturally.  Bunny's sample was very good.  I'm feeling crampy and tired, so taking it very easy for the next 2 days.  I'll check back tomorrow once I hear the fert report.

Triggering tonight - retrieval Wednesday!

Sorry for not updating more, it's just been a bunch of ultrasounds and bloodwork.  I took my last stims last night and went in this morning for a final ultrasound.  I have about 15-17 good follies (mostly all on my right ovary!) and will trigger tonight at 10PM.  The retrieval will be Wednesday morning at 9:30 AM.  I imagine the transfer will be Saturday, Sunday or Monday, depending on how the embies do.  I've done well as far as side effects go, but as of this evening I'm starting to feel somewhat uncomfortable.  I can feel a lot of cramping and pressure in my ovaries and lower back.  I was told to be very careful with my physical activity due to the large number of follies - I guess they're worried about torsion or OHSS.  I'll check in Wednesday after the retrieval!

Onward and upward...

I had my 2nd scan today, after 4 days of stims.  24 follicles!  Righty seems to be an overachiever, with 15 follies, and lefty lagging behind with 9.  The largest was about 9mm and my lining was 5mm.  I'll stick with the same doses and go back for another scan Thursday.

Baseline scan today....

I had my baseline scan today.  21 antral follicles so far!  I'll be starting 275 units of Follistim and 2 vials of Menopur tonight, also continuing with 5 units of Lupron. 

My plan for stress relief

I know that the IVF cycle is going to stress me out and I want to avoid obsessing over it.  I'm therefore preparing a "kit" to help handle the stress: funny DVD's (I took "The Wire" off my Netflix queue for now and added a bunch of comedies and silly sitcoms), downloading lots of guided meditation podcasts, buying chocolates and other treats.  I will also go to acupuncture as often as needed in the next few weeks.  We planned a long weekend to Ireland and will be leaving about 3 weeks after "test day."  That way, we can either celebrate our success or drown our sorrows if it doesn't work.  Either way, it will keep my mind occupied.  My mom forwarded me this article, which says that laughter after your IVF transfer could increase your chances.  It's a good thing 30 Rock is back on - that show makes me laugh more than anything (except maybe Colbert!)

The Lupron is treating me well so far - no side effects that I've noticed.  I'll stop BCP's on Tuesday, then stims next week.

Bring on the Lupron...

I started the Lupron this morning and will have a date with the needle every morning for the next 4 weeks.  Fun!  Hopefully I won't get the dreaded side effects that everyone is talking about.  Work is very busy but should slow down in the next few weeks, and I've cleared out my schedule for most of February.  I found out yesterday that my "natural killer cells" bloodwork came back normal so that's good news.  I'll check back in a few days.... running out the door for a meeting.

Pre IVF testing complete!

Bloodwork - check!
Semen analysis - check!
Cervical culture - check!
Saline sonogram - check!
Trial transfer - OUCH! - check

As of today, all of our pre-IVF testing is complete.  I had my trial transfer, cervical culture, and saline sonogram this morning.  All went fine and no issues, but man, the trial transfer hurt!  I guess my uterus deviates a little to the left (as the doctor put it) so they had issues getting the catheter to go to the correct spot.  So, he poked around quite a bit in there and it hurt pretty bad!  The saline sonogram was totally clear - my polyp of doom hasn't returned.  I'm on BCP's till the 25th, antibiotics for the next 3 days, will be starting Lupron on the 19th and then starting stims Feb 4th!  So, things are moving along fine.  We did hit a bit of a speed bump with my bloodwork -- they found that I'm not immune to varicella (chicken pox) anymore, so they said I need to be vaccinated ASAP.  Luckily, my local Wal.greens clinic does them, so I got the vaccine on Saturday.  It could have screwed up the whole cycle, because you can't get pregnant for at least 30 days after the vaccine.  But the timing of this vaccine was OK - the earliest date I could possibly be pregnant is the 17th of February. 

Lots of stuff going on, I'll keep you all updated.  I'm glad to see many of my blog friends are going through IVF around the same time as me - let's keep each other sane!

Here we go with IVF #1!

Things are getting going with IVF #1!  I'm starting birth control pills tomorrow and Lupron around the 19th.  Then, I'll start stims shortly after that.  Retrieval will most likely be the week of Feb. 14th, and transfer later that week or the following week.  The only issue is that the Bunny will be away from Feb. 5 - 12th on a snowboarding trip with friends, and if retrieval ends up getting moved up a few days, he'll have to come home early.  I have to try and talk about it with him tonight - he won't be happy at all if he has to cut his vacation short.  I'm going to pick up the meds tonight.  Exciting times!