Sunday, March 6, 2011

Grieving and moving on

First, I appreciate everyone's support through this whole process.  You ladies can really relate to what I'm going through, more than anyone I know in "real life."  I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your thoughts, prayers and wonderful comments.

I had a rough day Friday after hearing the news.  I got the news while at work, and had to keep myself together until I got home.  I already pretty much knew it was over, so it wasn't a total shock.  It was hard to break it to the Bunny, but he took it a lot better than I expected.  He just comforted me and said we'll have to keep trying.  After a lot of tears, now I just feel numb.  I know it's not the end of the world.  After losing my wonderful Dad at age 22, no other hardship in my life has been as bad as that.  So, that helps me put things in perspective.

Now, I need to talk to my clinic to get their point of view on why this failed, especially since it was such a "perfect" cycle.  I really like my clinic, but their frozen embryo transfer (FET) results are pretty dismal.  There is a much better clinic about 30 minutes away in Philadelphia.  So, I may switch clinics for the FET.  I'm still waiting for AF to start, but we'd like to do the FET maybe in April or May.   We have 5 frozen embies, so hopefully we'll get 2 FET's out of it.


  1. I'm glad to hear you are handling the disappointment OK. It is good that you have 5 frozen embryos from this cycle.

    Regarding your comment about possibly switching clinics for FETs, I just wanted to share something I learned recently on a message board I frequent for parents via egg donation. FET success rates are greatly related to how the embryos are frozen and their quality prior to freezing. At this point, these things have already been determined by your current clinic. Based on that information, I'm not sure that changing clinics for your FETs would make much of a difference in their likelihood of success. Just something to think about.

  2. I'm so so sorry. :( It's so unfair to be so close and then have it taken away. Thinking of you...

  3. Hi, its Amis from the FF circles. Mine didn't work out either. Beta went up to 225, then back down. Chemical PG. Even when it happens this early, it is so sad and heartbreaking.

    Have you ever heard of the "emotional tourniquet"? Its when you find out bad news about your beta or ultrasound, then have to go back to work and put a coherent sentence together and act like everything is normal. That is the worst part of this whole process. I'm not sure how you or I or anyone else going through this manages to get through days like that. Sheer willpower I think.

    Best of luck with everything. Our IF road has ended we believe. We have one son by IVF, and have tried 6 more times to give him a sibling. It looks like it will not work out for us.