Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night...

Still here, doing fine. I had a nice trip to the in-laws' last weekend and a relaxing, laid back Christmas with my family. I had a bit of a breakdown after a family Christmas party a few weeks ago -- on the way home I started thinking of how last Christmas I thought we'd have a baby by now. We didn't even put up our tree this year. Not thinking much about TTC or fertility - just trying to keep busy with some housework and work stuff. I did ovulate last week, but trying not to think about any of this.

I have a history of pretty bad depression and have been on and off meds for a few years. I started Zoloft in the summer, because things had gotten really bad and I was having a lot of trouble functioning. It has made a big difference in my life and makes me feel "normal" again. My RE is aware that I'm taking it and hasn't said anything. I have been thinking that maybe I should stop taking it - I'm concerned that it may interfere with the fertility meds or somehow contribute to my infertility. I need to talk to my doc about it. What do you guys think?

I want to wish all of you a very merry Christmas and happy, healthy new year. This blog has really helped me cope and feel like I'm not alone. Cheers!

IUI #1 - Lessons learned

I'm hanging in there. No real breakdown, just a general feeling of disappointment and sadness. I have lots of work and Christmas activities to keep me busy. Just trying to "relax," as they say.

Lessons learned from IUI #1:
1. All the crazy symptoms were probably the result of the Clomid and HCG.
2. Clomid makes me fat, bloated and covered in zits.
3.The more people you tell about the IUI, the more people you have to tell that it didn't work.

Goals for this month:
1. Start exercising again and try to lose a few pounds. I am at an all-time high right now, weight-wise, and while I'm not what you would call obese, my BMI does classify me as "overweight" and none of my clothes fit.
2. Stick to the charting and Chinese medicine this month, and stay the hell off of FertilityFriend boards. They make me a bit crazy.

I had acupuncture last night and, again, my TCM doctor says that she really thinks we can conceive naturally. She compared my charts over the last 3 months and we can see a definite improvement in my temperatures. That gives me some reassurance, though I wish I could just let go and stop obsessing. Thanks to all of you for your kind support - it's greatly appreciated.

IUI #1 - FAIL

It's official - IUI #1 was a failure. Got my period this morning with a vengeance. I was up at the crack of dawn to go to court, so I've kept my mind off it all day, but I'm worried I'll lose it later. Fuck! I'm so, so sick of dealing with this. I feel like my body is betraying me. We'll take a month off for Christmas then maybe another IUI in January.

13 DP IUI - BFN

Things aren't looking too good for this cycle. I tested again this morning and got another BFN, also my temperature dropped quite a bit this morning. Still not below baseline, but I think AF is on her way. I'm feeling pretty sorry for myself at the moment. I know that it's not over yet, but I really think I should have had a positive test by now.

12 DP IUI - BFN

Tested again this morning on an internet cheapie and still BFN. Not even a hint of a line. I have a feeling that this IUI didn't work. My temps are still quite high but have dropped off a bit since the weekend. I guess time will tell.

I got my progesterone number from last Wednesday's test and it was very high - 67.8. She said that it definitely indicates ovulation but too soon to predict pregnancy. The high progesterone level in my system may explain some of these strange symptoms.

I have court on Wednesday morning, so I won't be able to go in for a beta - I'll have to wait till Thursday morning. That will give an extra day for AF to make her appearance before going in for the bloodwork. Ugh, the frustration and uncertainty is killing me!

11 DP IUI - BFN

I broke down and tested this morning, 11DP IUI - BFN! Trying not to be discouraged, as my temps are still high, but I'm starting to get back to reality and realize that this IUI may not have worked. Oh well, it's not over till AF shows her ugly head.

9 DP IUI - interesting...

Things just got interesting. I tested this morning and it was straight-up negative (though still too probably early for a positive). But, my temp spiked again and I am having MAJOR cramps today. Also, I'm voraciously hungry and can't stop eating. I'm going to try my damndest not to test again till at least Sunday (11 DP). Hmmm... the plot thickens.

8 DPIUI...

Eight days past the IUI and getting antsy to test! I tested Tuesday morning to see if the HCG was all out of my system and it looks like it is, since the test was stark white negative! I don't have any symptoms except for some bloating (though it may just be from Thanksgiving overindulgence!) My temperature spiked yesterday but dropped down today (though I took my temp at 5:30 am - too early for a proper temperature). I had acupuncture last night and my TCM doctor was very happy with my temperatures. She said that my body is probably balanced now and that I should try to conceive naturally if I didn't get pregnant this month. When I started going to her in September, my post-ovulations temps never went above 98.0. Yesterday it was 98.7! I really don't feel pregnant, so who knows if this IUI worked or not. I'm definitely going to start testing on Saturday morning, which will be 10 DPIUI. It may be too early, but I'm not going to hold out until my beta on Wednesday!