New RE consult today.

I consulted with a new RE today.  His clinic is about an hour away, but has very high success rates.  It was a very interesting meeting and much different from my current clinic.  I loved it!  It's a smaller but very patient-focused.  I met a lot of the staff and sat down with all of them.  The doc reviewed my records and has a very interesting theory of why my IVF's failed.  He looked at my P4 (progesterone) levels before the transfer and found them to be way too high.  (At the first IVF, it was 2.8, the FET it was 1.8).  He says that my uterus was no longer receptive to implantation with those progesterone levels.  Basically, the uterus was not in sync with the rest of the body.  I've been unable to verify this via Dr. Google, but an interesting theory nonetheless.  He suggests a hysteroscopy, then an FET taking steroids throughout the cycle.  I'm consulting with one more clinic next week but will probably go with him.

Congrats to S!

Just wanted to give a shout-out to my dear blog friend S, who receive a great long-awaited positive beta today.  Congratulations, S, and best of luck to you!!

Still here and taking a break.

Thanks for your sympathy and good wishes.  You guys are a great support.  This cycle failure is finally starting to sink in and I'm ashamed to say I broke down in tears on the flight home from our vacation.  It's getting to be too much for me to handle.  I can't believe I have had 2 failed IVF cycles.  I really thought this would be the solution to our problems.  I feel like I'm starting to become one of those "veteran" IVF-ers, with many failed cycles, and I'm really losing hope that this will ever happen for us.  We're coming up on 4 years of trying to conceive.  I just can't believe we're at this point.  Everyone I know in real life has gotten pregnant with or without treatment by now.  My only friend who did IVF got pregnant on her first try.  People are really starting to pity me.  It's depressing.

That said, I'm stepping away from the blog and Fertility Friend.  I need some time to concentrate on myself and not think about infertility.  As happy as I am to see my blog friends and FF buddies get their BFP's, I'm really starting to feel like the person left out of the party.  I'll try to comment when I can, but I just need a break from it all. 

Another BFN.

Got the beta call about an hour ago - another BFN.  I expected it, but one always hopes that the HPT's were wrong.  I'm in much better mental shape about this one than I was last time.  I teared up a little when I drove from the clinic this morning, but other than that I haven't even cried.  I'm just tired.  Sick and tired of 3+ years of infertility treatment, month after month of disappointment, and failed treatment after failed treatment.  (This will be my "lucky" 7th failed treatment).  The plan now is to find a new clinic and figure out what the hell is wrong with my uterus.

Not looking good...

So much for my iron will and nerves of steel!  I tested this morning.  BFN.  Not even the tiniest whisper of a line.  It's still a little early (9dp5dt) but my hope is fading fast.  At this time last cycle, I had a positive, even though my beta was only 11.  They say that thawed embryos tend to implant later and be slower starters, so that's really my only solace.  I'll test again tomorrow and we'll see what Friday's beta brings.  I'm having cramps on and off, but they could be premenstrual cramps. 

Still here... waiting it out

Checking in after a busy weekend!  We went down to our beach house and did a lot of housework.  I scraped wallpaper and cleaned in general.  I also went kayaking on Saturday with my mother in law, which was very fun.  I worried a little about over-exerting myself, but it was very easy and laid back.  I figured if my 75-year-old mother in law can do it, so can I!  Trying to keep my mind distracted, so that I don't get anxious or tempted to test.  So far, I have no desire to.  Let's hope my resolve holds up until Thursday morning.  Symptom-wise, not that much to report.  I've had some twinges in the ute area, my boobs are very full, though not particularly sore, some gas, that's about it.  (Sorry if TMI).  I'm trying not to over-analyze it.  If it worked, it worked, if not, we'll try again.  Just trying to stay positive!