100th post!

Welcome to my 100th post!  This blog started when my fertility treatment started and I can't believe it's been 100 posts.  Thanks for sharing the journey with me.

I just got back from a much-needed vacation.  It was nice to get away and recharge my batteries.  I was hoping to have a message from my doctor's office when I got back, but no such luck.  I called them today and scheduled a consult for April 8 to discuss next steps.  I'm still not sure if I'll stick with them for the FET - I'll decide after the consult.  To add insult to injury, I had a bill waiting for me when I got back of over $1800 for some things that my insurance didn't cover (apparently when they saw the "infertility" diagnosis, they denied EVERYTHING).  I'm going to try and fight it a little bit, but I doubt they'll pay.  I HATE that so few insurance companies cover fertility treatments.

I'm still feeling pretty bad about the IVF failure.  Those first two weeks were the worst - I walked around in a total funk.  I could barely get out of bed, go to work and get through my day.  It's getting a little better (I've started exercising again and the trip really helped) but still not fully ready to get back on the horse for the FET.  I imagine it will probably take place around May.

Grieving and moving on

First, I appreciate everyone's support through this whole process.  You ladies can really relate to what I'm going through, more than anyone I know in "real life."  I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your thoughts, prayers and wonderful comments.

I had a rough day Friday after hearing the news.  I got the news while at work, and had to keep myself together until I got home.  I already pretty much knew it was over, so it wasn't a total shock.  It was hard to break it to the Bunny, but he took it a lot better than I expected.  He just comforted me and said we'll have to keep trying.  After a lot of tears, now I just feel numb.  I know it's not the end of the world.  After losing my wonderful Dad at age 22, no other hardship in my life has been as bad as that.  So, that helps me put things in perspective.

Now, I need to talk to my clinic to get their point of view on why this failed, especially since it was such a "perfect" cycle.  I really like my clinic, but their frozen embryo transfer (FET) results are pretty dismal.  There is a much better clinic about 30 minutes away in Philadelphia.  So, I may switch clinics for the FET.  I'm still waiting for AF to start, but we'd like to do the FET maybe in April or May.   We have 5 frozen embies, so hopefully we'll get 2 FET's out of it.

Negatory.

It's over for me.  My beta was 5.  I'm stopping the Estrace and Crinone today.  They'll retest Monday to make sure it's all gone.  So much for that.

Feeling pretty down...

I have a confession to make.  I actually started peeing on sticks on Monday!  I didn't post anything up here because I wasn't getting clear results, so didn't want to make the same mistake as last time.  I've had very light lines on the internet cheapies, FRER and Answer, but not really getting any darker, but not lighter either.  After yesterday's beta, I decided to keep POAS so I'd see if it looked like my HCG level was increasing.  As of today, still getting a very faint line on the internet cheapies, but the Answer was totally negative.  I'm feeling like this pregnancy isn't going to last.  Put it this way -- a beta below 10 isn't considered clinically pregnant.  Mine was 11.5.  I just don't see how that is viable.  I guess I'll find out tomorrow, but not feeling hopeful about this cycle.

Beta results are in....

Just got the call.  Beta was 11.5 - pretty low.  I was told to be "cautiously optimistic" but we need to retest Friday to see if it doubles, then every Tuesday and Friday from there.  The nurse said they've seen betas as low as 6 lead to viable pregnancies.  So, good news, bad news I guess.