It's official - BFN

It's official that this one was a BFN.  Must have been a chemical or something.  They say that the digital tests don't lie, but I guess this one did.  The tests last night and this morning were clearly negative, then AF arrived.  It sure was fun to be pregnant for 2 days.  I'm going to call and cancel my beta for Monday.  The sucky thing is that I told my husband and he was super excited. 

I'm thinking that we may start IVF in the New Year.  This IUI was picture perfect and it failed.  I don't see the point of doing more IUI's if they're not going to work.

Inconclusive...

I tested today and yesterday and the results are, well... inconclusive.  I guess that's my punishment for testing too early.  Yesterday I tested in the morning with an "internet cheapie" and it had a faint second line.  I tested after work with a FRER and it was also very, very faintly positive.  This morning, both the internet cheapie and the FRER were negative.  I thought, what the hell, and peed on a digital and it was positive.  So, no big announcement yet.  I thought I'd have a blaring positive and be able to make a big announcement here, but it looks like it won't be official till I see a beta.  Here's a pic for your viewing pleasure...

7 DP monitoring appointment...

I had my 7 DP IUI monitoring appointment this morning.  They drew blood to check my progesterone level and I learned my number from last cycle - it was 34, I think.  They also did an ultrasound to check on my ovaries.  The right one was pretty big and had 2 corpus lutei.  There was a pocket of fluid outside my right ovary but the doctor said it should resolve itself.  The left ovary was huge! and there were also 2 or 3 corpus lutei.  She said I really need to take it easy until the ovaries get back to their normal size.  I'll need to make it through this week and maybe I'll test on Friday or Saturday.

5 DP IUI...

Not much to report at the moment.  Bunny is camping this weekend, so I'm at home alone with the kitties, cooking up a storm.  Tonight I'll go to the Philadelphia Film Festival and out to dinner with my sister in law.  I made homemade chicken tortilla soup for lunch, check out the deliciousness...

I'll attempt homemade won tons tomorrow.  Yum!

I'm not testing out the trigger this cycle.  Why bother?  It's fun to see those positive HPT's, but once they go negative it's a bummer.  I know the trigger is probably out of my system by now.  I'll try and wait to test until around 11 DPO or so, which is next Saturday I believe.  I've had really bad dreams during the 2 week wait, both last cycle and this cycle.  Last night I dreamed that I was undergoing chemotherapy.  I literally thought to myself in my dream "this will kill the babies for sure, if there are any."  How depressing!!  Let's hope this week goes by quickly and that there is a BFP on the other side!

Post-IUI report

The IUI was this morning.  It went very well - the post-wash count was 43 million!  I think an extra day of abstaining helped achieve a higher number.  Ovulation pain started this morning, so I think the timing was just right.  Let's hope I catch a break this cycle.

EDITED TO ADD:
I just realized that I didn't provide an update on Saturday.  Well, I turned out to have 5 mature follicles when I went for monitoring Saturday morning.  There were at least 3 in the 18+ mm range.  The doctor said that I'll have a high risk for multiples and wanted to make sure I was open to selective reduction.  So, it looks like I'll hopefully ovulate at least 2 or 3 mature eggs.

Triggering tomorrow...

Things aren't growing as quickly as I thought.  The largest follie I had this morning was at about 17, with a few others in the 14-15 range.  I'm going to go in for monitoring again tomorrow, probably trigger then, and the IUI has been pushed to Monday.  I put all my injectables stuff away last night cause I thought I'd taken my last shot, but I guess I'll be cracking another vial of Follistim tonight.  I can't wait for this cycle to be over.

Almost time to trigger...

I'm feeling better, still not 100% but the ear is feeling much better.  I had my monitoring appointment yesterday morning and the largest follie was on the left and measuring about 18.  I had a few smaller ones in the 14-15 range.  It looks like I'll probably only ovulate one mature egg.  I'm still on 275 units of the Follistim. They'll probably have me trigger tomorrow morning during my monitoring appointment, then do the IUI on Saturday (they don't open on Sundays). The timing of the trigger annoys me somewhat (since it's less than 36 hours before the IUI), but I guess it's the best they can do.  My lining looked good, I think it was 9 mm.  If I get a BFP, great.  If not, at least I'll have a 2-month break from treatment.

Man oh man...

Man oh man, this cycle has been something else.  Yesterday morning I woke up and my right ear was swollen shut.  Yes, that's right - ear infection!  I had a similar infection in my other ear last year, so I guess my right ear wanted to join the fun.  I took some drops left over from last time and some advil for the pain.  I woke up this morning and it was even worse!  Luckily I had a monitoring appointment first thing this morning, so I asked the doc if it was OK for me to take antibiotics and he said it was.  I went to an urgent care clinic and they put me on steroids, antibiotics and drops.  I'll go see a specialist tomorrow.  Meanwhile, the doc wants to up my Follistim dose again to 275 units.  The largest follie was at about a 9, so I guess he wants to see more growth.  I really hope I don't get OHSS.  I'll be back in there Wednesday, so we'll see.

Somewhere out there...

I was cleaning out our crawlspace today and came upon a box of my old stuff from when my parents moved out of my childhood home.  It was mostly things that were in my old bedroom.  I found two music boxes that I had completely forgotten that I owned.  I don't even remember now when they were given to me or by whom.  But, one of them plays that song "Somewhere Out There."  I'm going to put it on my dresser with all my baby talismans (St. Gerard medal, fertility crystals, etc.) to remind me that my baby is somewhere out there in the universe.

In other news, I had a scan this morning.  I don't remember how many follies there were - I believe there were 3 or 4 dominant ones total.  The doc is increasing my Follistim dose to 200 units.  I guess he thinks I'm not responding quite good enough.  My next scan will be Monday.

I've decided to register for an 8k in Philly taking place about a month and a half from now.  I ran a 5k pretty easily back in April and I think I'm up for the challenge.  The Bunny will run it with me.  I know I'm not supposed to run or jog during the treatment, but I'll talk to the doc about it Monday.  The inactivity is really getting me down.  Hopefully they'll let me do a little running, as long as I take it easy.

Here we go again...

I had my first monitoring appt today, CD3.  Blah blah, a cyst left over from last month, some antral follicles... start tonight with 150 units of Follistim... blah.  I'm very unmotivated and OVER IT this cycle.  I almost cried at the appointment because they told me I'd need to come in Saturday morning and probably Monday as well.  We had plans to go down to our beach house for the long weekend, leaving Friday night and coming back Monday.  Now we'll have to leave Saturday morning and come back possibly Sunday night, which neither of us wanted to do.  I'm just so SICK of infertility.  I'm sick of having to rearrange my plans for these stupid monitoring appointments.  I'm sick of having to tell people about my treatments, and update them when the treatment fails.  I can't freaking believe that it's October 2010 and we still don't have a child.  I expressed my frustration with the doctor, and she reassured me that it will work for us, not to worry, we're doing everything right, etc.  I can't wait for this cycle to be over so we can have a few months' break!

It's officially official - IUI#4 = FAIL

"AF" arrived today (12 DP IUI).  So that's that.  We're going right into IUI #5.  I can't believe I'm typing that - I long for the naive days when I thought I'd conceive on my first or second IUI. This will be our last IUI of the year.  If we get lucky, it will work.  If not, we'll try naturally (which is a joke at this point) till the new year, then re-evaluate at that time.  It's looking like IVF may be in the cards for next year.  My first monitoring appointment will be Wednesday.

I tested today and ...

BFN.  I knew waking up this morning that my period is on her way.  All the signs were there.  I'm not even going to bother testing again, there's no point, really.  I'm disappointed but not inconsolable.  On to IUI #5 and cycle #34 (!!) TTC.