Yet another infertility blog...

14 weeks!

2012-01-26T20:36:00.000-05:00

I decided to start doing these updates. Some of the other bloggers do them and I love to read them. So, here goes the first one!

Total Weight Loss/Gain: I've gained about 4 lb since the transfer. I gained 1 lb since my last OB appt about a month ago. Still not obviously showing.

Maternity Clothes: I still fit into about half my non-maternity pants (the larger / stretchier ones) and pretty much all my regular shirts. I can wear my jeans with a bella band. I have bought three pairs of maternity work pants and one pair of maternity jeans (which I wore once or twice and don't like - they are these ones and they feel like they're falling down). I'm going to buy a full-panel pair from the Gap. I also bought this dress, which I love and can't wait to wear. I'll probably start wearing the maternity stuff more in the coming weeks.

Stretch marks: None visible so far!

Sleep: Sleeping OK. Getting up twice a night to pee, but usually able to get right back to sleep.

Movement: Thought I felt a little something the other day, but it's still early.

Cravings/Aversions: No real aversions but a lot of cravings. Eating a lot of apples and oranges. I've also had a craving for candy - the really bad, corn syrupy kind. I've only given in a few times, I know that's really bad for me and the baby. I would eat Indian food every day if I could.

Gender: Possibly a boy, won't know for sure until the end of February at the anatomy scan

Symptoms: Boobs are still big and sore, starting to get heartburn every day!

What I miss: Drinking alcohol!!

What I look forward to: A bigger belly and feeling the baby move

Moods: So, so. I can get cranky at work.

Milestones: None this week (but I had an OB checkup and heard the heartbeat today!)

Medical concerns: None

Misc: We were supposed to move houses in the coming week, but the closing has been postponed for one month because the new house needs to be re-stucco'ed. Better for us, as we just put our place on the market and are hoping it will sell very soon. We've worked our butts off getting the house presentable (not easy with 3 cats). We'll have a lot of changes in the coming months!

12 weeks

2012-01-10T09:46:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the absence, I keep meaning to post an update but then I get sidetracked by work/house/chores/sofa. We're in the process of putting our house on the market and moving, so things have been pretty hectic.

I had my 12 week ultrasound and first trimester screening yesterday. The baby looks great and is still a week ahead of schedule. They moved my due date back 1 week to July 16. The nuchal translucency looked normal, the bloodwork will come back in about 1 week. Best of all, I don't have to take Crinone or Estrace anymore! Yay! I've been released from the RE to my regular OB. I will definitely miss the frequent ultrasounds, but I'm happy and grateful that now I'll be considered a "normal" patient! Here are some pics.

10 weeks

2011-12-27T17:02:00.000-05:00

Gosh, I can't believe I'm already 10 weeks. Things continue to go well. I had an ultrasound this week and the baby is growing very rapidly. S/he is already measuring 11 weeks, 2 days, a full week ahead (I'm 10 weeks, 3 days today). You can see a big difference in the ultrasound compared to last week. In the top left picture, the baby's head is to the left and its hands are in front of its face! Due to the quick growth, they wanted to push up my NT scan from January 9 to sometime next week, however the fertility doc has no openings next week. So, I may see if my regular OB can do it. My NT scan will be my last appt with the RE! I'll see my regular OB for the first time on Thursday. I still can't believe this is real.

As far as symptoms go, I'm feeling pretty good. I've had passing nausea, but nowhere near the point of vomiting. I've been very lucky. I'm not showing yet and am still in regular clothes, though they are getting a bit tighter. I bought a belly band yesterday, as well as a new bra from the maternity store. It was weird to buy a nursing bra! I'm glad I did, though, as it's a better fit and very supportive.

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and wishing you all the best for the New Year. I really, really appreciate all your support, cheerleading and good wishes!

It's a baby!

2011-12-21T15:59:00.000-05:00

We've officially graduated from "blob" to "baby" status!

8 week ultrasound

2011-12-13T11:04:00.000-05:00

**Warning: There will be lots of pregnancy talk in this blog from here on out. I understand if you don't want to read or want to unsubscribe. I'm not going to post a disclaimer every week, so consider this a general disclaimer.**

This morning I had my 8 week ultrasound. I must admit, I'm loving these weekly ultrasounds. I have very few symptoms, so by the end of the week I always feel worried that maybe something is wrong. The small amount of nausea I felt over the last few weeks is totally gone. I have a good appetite and energy level. If it weren't for the fact that my boobs have gone up nearly a cup size and are intermittently sore, I wouldn't "feel" pregnant at all. So, it's always a relief to go for the ultrasound and see that everything is right on schedule.

This week, the nurse doing the ultrasound couldn't get a good measurement. The baby is obviously much bigger than last week and the heartbeat looks great, but the baby is kind of crammed in the corner of my uterus, so she couldn't get a good shot of its full length. She tried and tried, but every measurement was coming up 7w4d. The doctor and regular ultrasound tech weren't there, so she's going to show the doctor the picture and see if I should come back for another scan. She doesn't seem too worried, though. This week you can see the edges of the amniotic sac. Hopefully next week the baby will have moved away from the uterine wall to get a better view!

Still going strong..

2011-12-09T16:47:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the late update. It's been a busy week and I'm currently basking in the Florida sun for the weekend! We have to get these trips in while we can. Everything is going great. I saw and heard the heartbeat last week and everything is measuring right on schedule. Pic below - it's still a blob, but a growing blob. I'll be 8 weeks tomorrow!

Heartbeat!!

2011-11-29T14:43:00.000-05:00

I saw the heartbeat this morning!! I didn't realize it would be visible this early, but there it was, flickering away. This is still pretty unreal. I'm still feeling pretty well, but I've had some nausea on and off the last few days.

I thought I'd share one of my favorite videos (the song in the background is "Heartbeats" by Jose Gonzalez.) Just ignore the fact that it's a commercial!

First ultrasound

2011-11-21T13:48:00.000-05:00

I had my first ultrasound this morning. Everything is looking fine so far. There's just one in there (apparently). My next one will be next Monday. My mom came with me and was very excited to see the ultrasound with me. Thank you guys again for all your well wishes. I really appreciate it and am glad that some readers are still rooting for me!

There's not much to see, but in case you ever wanted to know what a 5 week, 2 day ultrasound looks like, here it is:

2011-11-17T19:31:00.000-05:00

I've had mixed feelings this week about my positive betas and pregnancy. I feel somewhat guilty that this cycle worked out, because I know it hurts as an infertile to see others' successful cycles. I don't want it to seem that I'm bragging or gloating about this outcome. On the other hand, I AM excited that we've gotten this far and want to share these feelings with the community.

To my infertile sisters, I know it stings to see others' BFP's when you're still in the trenches. I've watched countless bloggers and friends around me get pregnant and have babies, and I can totally relate to the pain and loneliness infertility causes. That said, I do plan to post about my pregnancy on this blog. I will totally understand if you want to unsubscribe to the blog and I'll try to be as sensitive and honest as possible. Despite my good news, I am still infertile. I suffered through 4 years of disappointment and failed treatments, and that pain doesn't just go away overnight.

2nd beta...

2011-11-17T16:31:00.000-05:00

I had my 2nd beta this morning and it was 1378. It could either be twins or just a really fast grower. I'll find out at my ultrasound on Monday!

Beta result...

2011-11-14T11:59:00.000-05:00

278!!!

We're off to a good start. Repeat beta will be Thursday and possibly an ultrasound on Monday.

In shock!

2011-11-11T10:05:00.000-05:00

Thank you guys so much for the well wishes! You guys rock. I'm still quite shocked with the positive tests. I tested again this morning and it was a good, strong line, just a little darker than yesterday. I haven't had lines like this before, in all these years. I have put all this time and money into treatments, but the thought of success has been so remote in my mind. We still have a long way to go, though, so I'm trying to keep my enthusiasm in check.

Bunny doesn't "believe" in HPT's - he won't be convinced I'm pregnant until I have the positive beta. He didn't want to see the positive test and he wouldn't allow me to tell him about my possible due date or anything like that last night. We've been disappointed before with the chemical pregnancies, so he's really guarded.

Symptom-wise, I feel pretty normal. I don't "feel" pregnant. I'm very hungry and thirsty all the time, but I think that is a side effect of the progesterone. My boobs are starting to get a little tender, but nothing I haven't felt before. I've had some cramping and twinges down there, but it could be related to the constipation and gas. We're at the shore for the 3-day weekend visiting my MIL. As much as I want to shout the news from the rooftops, I won't tell her until next weekend at the soonest. I can't wait for Monday to get here!

Drumroll please....

2011-11-10T07:36:00.000-05:00

No words.

Progesterone is A-OK

2011-11-08T15:31:00.000-05:00

I had bloodwork today and my progesterone and E2 levels are fine. I guess that makes it worth shoving that stuff up my hoo-haa three times a day.

The cramp I had yesterday is gone today. Feeling pretty much normal, other than the usual progesterone-related insatiable hunger and thirst. I had two breakfasts today and have had to keep snacks in my desk for my almost constant need to shove food in my pie-hole.

I made a serindipitous discovery at work today - two Answer pregnancy tests in my work makeup bag! I think they are from the last FET. I'm going to take them home, they'll come in handy this weekend.

Symptom obsession time!

2011-11-07T18:44:00.000-05:00

It's that time again - symptom obsession time! I am 3dp 5dt / 8 DPO today (or 3dp 6dt, 9 DPO, depending on how you look at it). Feeling pretty good, but I've had a cramp in my lower abdomen since I woke up this morning. It's localized in the same spot all day, on the left side about 4 inches down and over from my belly button. Implantation?? Maybe... then again I haven't gone #2 since yesterday! (dang progesterone) Maybe it's a bit early to obsess over symptoms, but I wanted to make a note of this one. I must pat myself on the back for disabling my fertility friend account, which will keep me from totally obsessing. POAS starts Thursday!

PUPO, take 3!

2011-11-04T15:24:00.000-04:00

Here are our two embabies that were transferred earlier today. The top one is a Day 6 blast in "good" condition, the bottom one is a Day 5 blast in "fair" condition. The third embryo they thawed, also a Day 5, didn't look good so they didn't transfer it. They'll keep an eye on it and possibly re-freeze it. The transfer went smoothly, though it was about a 45-minute wait to see the doctor because he was out on some emergency. My bladder was painfully full, which was pretty unpleasant with such a long wait. They have me on complete bed rest till tomorrow, so I'm currently camped out in bed with two cats, a few New Yorker magazines and a Bridesmaids DVD. I'll have a blood draw on Tuesday to check progesterone level and the beta will be the following Monday! Positive vibes appreciated!

T minus 4 days

2011-10-31T15:23:00.000-04:00

Happy Halloween! I'm 4 days until the transfer. Stopped Lupron on Saturday, started the steroids Thursday and started Crinone yesterday. I'm taking both the estrogen and Crinone 3x a day which is pretty rough. The meds are taking a toll this time, unlike my other two cycles. I'm feeling very tired and worn out. I'm going to bed at 9pm and waking up tired. I've never been on this protocol before - I was on a higher dose of Lupron this time and I'm taking more estrogen than the last time (though I was on both pills and patches last time). My lining looked good on Thursday and we're all set for the transfer on Friday. I still don't know how many we'll transfer, I guess we'll see how they thaw.

I'm home early from work to get ready for the trick or treaters. There are a lot of little ones in our neighborhood, so we get a pretty good turnout every year. I really love seeing the kids in their costumes, very cute!

A little infertility humor...

2011-10-24T20:32:00.001-04:00

I recently discovered this web series. It's pretty great!

Baseline

2011-10-17T19:57:00.000-04:00

I went in this morning for my baseline. Everything looked fine and things are on schedule. I'll continue the Lupron for another 10 days or so, and will start the estrogen pills on Wednesday. I'll be on them 3x a week for the entire cycle. I'll also be on the progesterone suppositories 3x a week, which should be fun. The transfer is scheduled for Nov. 4, which will work out great, cause it's on a Friday and I'll have the whole weekend to loaf and relax. I thought I was going to be on steroids this whole cycle, but the nurse didn't know and the doctor wasn't in. They'll let me know on Wednesday once the doctor is back. This clinic communicates with patients through a voicemail system, which I like. My old clinic didn't keep me very well updated.

In other news, I noticed recently that my hair has been falling out. Nothing very visible, but it just looks a little thinner and blah. My hairdresser even noticed it without me saying anything. I asked today and they said it's probably a withdrawal from all the estrogen that I was on last FET. Hopefully it will grow back once I start taking it again.

Babies' first car ride

2011-10-13T14:15:00.000-04:00

Today was operation: embryo transport! I went to my old clinic and picked up the frosties in order to drive them one hour to the new clinic. I brought the Bunny along because they told me that the container may be heavy and cumbersome. It wasn't - it looked like a combination between R2D2 and a diaper genie. The canister with the embies in liquid nitrogen was inside.

Baseline should be Monday, assuming that AF arrives either today or tomorrow. I still don't know when exactly the transfer will be, but I imagine somewhere around 2 weeks from now.

Like Donkey Kong

2011-10-04T19:37:00.000-04:00

FET, round 2 is on like Donkey Kong! Bring on the Lupron! It will start tomorrow and I'll only be on it for 2 weeks. I still don't know the date of the FET but they'll tell me once AF shows up in about a week. Next Thursday will be a fun adventure, when I get to transport my embryos to their new clinic. Kind of funny that they're making me do it, but the clinics are only about an hour from each other so it's much cheaper if I transport them myself. I'll take a picture!

Trying not to get my hopes up this cycle (don't I say that every cycle?) I fully expect another fresh IVF in my future. It would be nice to catch a break, though. This time I'll make no vow to hold off POAS until 10-11 DPO - I'll probably start testing around 6 DPT and keep you guys posted on all the juicy details.

Finally an update

2011-09-18T17:46:00.000-04:00

I should win the lousy blogger of the year award. As you can see, when I'm not in treatment I really switch it off! I've been ambivalent about posting about my regular life and things not IF-related. For now, I'll continue to post about the IF treatment, with some real life updates sprinkled in here and there. I still don't know if anyone I know in real life reads this. I'm kind of afraid to find out!

Anyway, things are going pretty well. August was a stressful month. My car engine needed replaced, work stress and just general crappiness abounded. But, things are much better now. My car is fixed, we just took a great vacation to the Pacific Northwest, and life is calming down a bit. Work is still stressful but should calm down in the coming weeks.

Everything is going right on schedule for the FET. I got all my meds a few days ago (only $70!) and am scheduled to start the Lupron around October 5. I don't have the date for the transfer yet, but it should be the end of October sometime. Some things I like about this clinic so far:

- No BCP's! They just confirm ovulation and then start the Lupron on CD 22
- I'll only be on Lupron for 2 weeks!
- No estrogen patches!
- 50%+ FET success rate!

The thing I don't like is that the transfer will cost $5000, but they have a great success rate so I guess I'll get what I pay for. I promise I'll start updating more frequently!

Sockeroo!

2011-09-15T20:08:00.001-04:00

I am participating in the Sockeroo, started by Kymberli at the Smartness. To recap, we exchange socks with another blogger and write a post on the following topic:

It has been roughly a year and a half since the last SITM Exchange. Reflect on the past 18 or so months – how has support from others, either in the blogosphere or otherwise, helped you?

I have been through a lot in the last 18 months. Specifically, 3 failed IUI's, a failed IVF and a failed FET. My family and friends have been as supportive as they can, but most of them really can't relate to what I've been through. I can't even really confide in my husband about my feelings, because he doesn't really understand either and it upsets him to see me down in the dumps. My only solace during this struggle has been my blog readers and message board friends. You have been the only ones to really comfort me, console me, and not judge. You have been my cheerleaders, confidantes, and companions while I've been going through these treatments, through all the ups and downs. Most of my friends are part of the "Mommy club" and simply can't relate. Or, worse, they leave me out of their plans because they don't think I want to be around kids. You have been such a wonderful support system, which I will depend on for the indefinite future. I wrote this post to tell you just how much I appreciate each and every one of you. So, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Now, the goods!! Preshus Me send me three pairs of AWESOME socks!! Here's the fashion show:

First, a pair of cute striped kneesocks! Adorbs!

Next, the awesome argyles!

Finally, the black bow! Love these! (Sorry for the action shot - not so good at the camera timer!)

Thanks Preshus Me! You rock!

Ouch

2011-08-22T12:28:00.001-04:00

The hysteroscopy was this morning. OUCH. It was as bad (maybe even a little worse) than the HSG. Luckily it didn't take very long, and my uterus looked "perfect" according to the doc. I went for my bloodwork and they took 17 (!!!) vials. So much for going to work today.

Now, the bad news. The IVF nurse looked at the calendar and set me to start Lupron around the 6th of September. Unfortunately, we will be on vacation that week. So, I have to wait another cycle to start the Lupron. My FET will most likely not be until mid- to late-October at this rate, which I am bummed about. I was looking forward to getting things going ASAP. I guess that's just more bad luck lately.

Very excited for my blog friend Gurlee, who got some great news today!!

FET #2 is (almost) on the books!

2011-08-16T18:36:00.000-04:00

You-know-who made her arrival today, so we're now all systems go for FET #2. I have to go for a "uterine sound" tomorrow (I guess that's what they call a trial transfer) and then a hysteroscopy and bloodwork on Monday. I imagine I'll be starting BCP's next week as well. Not getting my hopes up this time. I've had a terrible few days. I got stuck on a flooded road on Monday and my car died. It turns out that water got into the engine and now I need a new engine. I was shocked to hear that news, especially since my car is only 3 years old. So, I've been spending the last 2 days on the phone with my insurance company, the mechanic, rental car company etc. Work is also going pretty badly with lots of stress and problematic cases. If this one works it will be a true miracle. I imagine it will be sometime in late September or early October, but I guess I'll find out next week. Is anyone still reading? Comments have been light lately (though I've been a bad commenter too - sorry).

Sock it to me, baby!

2011-08-15T20:00:00.000-04:00

I just discovered Kym at The Smartness and I think she and her blog are awesome! I'm excited to participate in Sock it to Me, which she is organizing. It's a great way to spread good vibes and love around the blogoverse. I can't wait to model my new awesome socks!!

Still here!

2011-07-29T17:57:00.000-04:00

Sorry for the MIA-ness of the blog lately. I've been trying to get on with life and enjoy my summer without dwelling on my infertility. Here's an update in bullet point form:

The Bunny turned the big 4-0 about a week ago. It was a low-key affair, as he didn't want to have a party. He's not pleased about this milestone, especially since we still don't have a baby. But, I keep reminding him that he's the best-looking 40 year old I know and that hopefully soon we'll either start our family or move on.

My old clinic called me a month (!!) after my failed FET. They had a meeting and decided that I should do a whole new fresh cycle, same protocol, and transfer 2 this time. I guess it's one of those "keep trying, eventually hopefully something will work" clinics, but I'm not interested in a fresh cycle. I told them thanks, and that I'm looking at other clinics.

I'll be starting BCP's for the next FET cycle in a few weeks, with the new clinic.

We're getting our house ready to put on the market. We've lived in this townhome since before we were married (nearly 7 years). We're finally in a position where we can afford a single-family home, though we're a bit worried about selling this place. We hope we can get it on the market in the next 2 months.

I had my AMH level and alpha-17 progesterone blood work done in the last 2 weeks, still waiting to hear back on both.

Consult #2

2011-07-10T10:16:00.000-04:00

Last week, I went for another opinion regarding my failed cycles. It was at a large hospital system with a high success rate. However, it is a total bureaucracy because it's part of a large network. Just getting an appointment, I had to make three different phone calls, then was transferred 4 or 5 times before they actually gave me the appointment. The doctor was very nice and well qualified (Ivy-league education). He reviewed my records with me and made notes, but didn't have any explanation of why the cycles failed. The only thing he noticed was that the 225 units of Follistim I was on was a "higher than average" dose, and that my AFC count varied pretty widely from one cycle to another (though he said that it could be human error - different docs read the ultrasounds differently). I brought up the P4 / premature luteinization issue with him, but he didn't think that was an issue (though didn't seem to know one way or the other). The only thing he recommended was to get my AMH level tested, which I have never done. So, I'll do that this week.

Meanwhile, I got a thank-you note from the first doctor I visited!! They made such a great impression on me, I've decided to go with the first clinic. It's further away (about an hour drive from my house), but my mom only lives 30 minutes away, so if I have a very early appointment, I can stay at her place. I'm going to write a nice thank-you note to my current clinic. The plan at this point is to sit out at least one more cycle, then go ahead with the final FET maybe in September. I'll have a hysteroscopy when I'm on BCP's for the FET. (so many acronyms!) Until then, we will be in complete r&r summer-enjoying mode!

New RE consult today.

2011-06-28T17:43:00.000-04:00

I consulted with a new RE today. His clinic is about an hour away, but has very high success rates. It was a very interesting meeting and much different from my current clinic. I loved it! It's a smaller but very patient-focused. I met a lot of the staff and sat down with all of them. The doc reviewed my records and has a very interesting theory of why my IVF's failed. He looked at my P4 (progesterone) levels before the transfer and found them to be way too high. (At the first IVF, it was 2.8, the FET it was 1.8). He says that my uterus was no longer receptive to implantation with those progesterone levels. Basically, the uterus was not in sync with the rest of the body. I've been unable to verify this via Dr. Google, but an interesting theory nonetheless. He suggests a hysteroscopy, then an FET taking steroids throughout the cycle. I'm consulting with one more clinic next week but will probably go with him.

Congrats to S!

2011-06-24T21:17:00.000-04:00

Just wanted to give a shout-out to my dear blog friend S, who receive a great long-awaited positive beta today. Congratulations, S, and best of luck to you!!

Still here and taking a break.

2011-06-19T11:49:00.000-04:00

Thanks for your sympathy and good wishes. You guys are a great support. This cycle failure is finally starting to sink in and I'm ashamed to say I broke down in tears on the flight home from our vacation. It's getting to be too much for me to handle. I can't believe I have had 2 failed IVF cycles. I really thought this would be the solution to our problems. I feel like I'm starting to become one of those "veteran" IVF-ers, with many failed cycles, and I'm really losing hope that this will ever happen for us. We're coming up on 4 years of trying to conceive. I just can't believe we're at this point. Everyone I know in real life has gotten pregnant with or without treatment by now. My only friend who did IVF got pregnant on her first try. People are really starting to pity me. It's depressing.

That said, I'm stepping away from the blog and Fertility Friend. I need some time to concentrate on myself and not think about infertility. As happy as I am to see my blog friends and FF buddies get their BFP's, I'm really starting to feel like the person left out of the party. I'll try to comment when I can, but I just need a break from it all.

Another BFN.

2011-06-10T16:28:00.000-04:00

Got the beta call about an hour ago - another BFN. I expected it, but one always hopes that the HPT's were wrong. I'm in much better mental shape about this one than I was last time. I teared up a little when I drove from the clinic this morning, but other than that I haven't even cried. I'm just tired. Sick and tired of 3+ years of infertility treatment, month after month of disappointment, and failed treatment after failed treatment. (This will be my "lucky" 7th failed treatment). The plan now is to find a new clinic and figure out what the hell is wrong with my uterus.

Not looking good...

2011-06-08T13:51:00.000-04:00

So much for my iron will and nerves of steel! I tested this morning. BFN. Not even the tiniest whisper of a line. It's still a little early (9dp5dt) but my hope is fading fast. At this time last cycle, I had a positive, even though my beta was only 11. They say that thawed embryos tend to implant later and be slower starters, so that's really my only solace. I'll test again tomorrow and we'll see what Friday's beta brings. I'm having cramps on and off, but they could be premenstrual cramps.

Still here... waiting it out

2011-06-05T20:00:00.000-04:00

Checking in after a busy weekend! We went down to our beach house and did a lot of housework. I scraped wallpaper and cleaned in general. I also went kayaking on Saturday with my mother in law, which was very fun. I worried a little about over-exerting myself, but it was very easy and laid back. I figured if my 75-year-old mother in law can do it, so can I! Trying to keep my mind distracted, so that I don't get anxious or tempted to test. So far, I have no desire to. Let's hope my resolve holds up until Thursday morning. Symptom-wise, not that much to report. I've had some twinges in the ute area, my boobs are very full, though not particularly sore, some gas, that's about it. (Sorry if TMI). I'm trying not to over-analyze it. If it worked, it worked, if not, we'll try again. Just trying to stay positive!

PUPO (again)

2011-05-31T14:05:00.000-04:00

I am PUPO (again). (= pregnant until proven otherwise) The day started rough but the transfer went smoothly. I woke up at 4:30 AM with an earache and couldn't get comfortable, so I got up. (The same ear that gave me trouble over my last IUI cycle). I assume that the Z-pack antibiotics I'm already on for the transfer should zap the ear infection. I'm pretty tired though and will go to bed early tonight.

They thawed 2 embryos and both survived the thaw and looked "good" according to the embryologist. Both were transferred and I laid there listening to my iPod for 25 minutes. The Bunny didn't come with me this time, as he had a lot of work piled up after the long weekend. It was fine without him, though. I had a celebratory lunch at PF Chang's and am now in "sofa" mode. I'll have a blood draw Friday for E2 levels, then the beta the following Friday. I'll try my damndest not to test till Thursday, and even then I plan to only do a digital test.

Transfer eve...

2011-05-30T17:53:00.000-04:00

Getting ready for the big day tomorrow. I had a nice weekend at our beach house (though we did chores the whole time and didn't even get to the beach!) Now I'm cleaning the house, doing laundry, preparing food and doing other chores so that I can take it easy the next 2 days. I'll have my last glass(es) of wine tonight and a nice dinner. (Yes, I drank in moderation during this cycle). The transfer will be at 11:30 AM tomorrow. I'm looking forward to seeing how my frosties do. I'll get to meet them tomorrow. Please, God, let this be the one.

All clear for transfer!

2011-05-25T09:33:00.000-04:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I'm just letting things move along this cycle without obsessing too much.

I had my one and only monitoring appointment this morning. The doctor thought she saw some fluid in my abdomen, but it turned out that she just had the wand pointed the wrong way! It freaked me out for a minute. My lining is fine (though I didn't get the measurement number) so all is clear for my transfer on Tuesday. They'll thaw the embryos that morning. I have 2 vials with 2 embies in them, and 1 vial with 1. So, they'll thaw one of the ones with 2, then if one of those doesn't survive the thaw, they'll thaw the single one. They have about a 75% survival rate of the thawed embryos. (Is this good? I think I've heard higher rates from other clinics). Anyway, we have plenty to work with. I'm done with Lupron as of today, continuing on the estrogen patches and pills, and I'll start the Crinone tomorrow. I'll check back in on transfer day.

Love to Jen!

2011-05-15T18:37:00.000-04:00

Many of you already know and love the fabulous Jennepper. I've been reading her blog for about 3 years and I LOVE her clever and funny writing. Her daughter has been in the NICU since birth and the family has been through a lot of hardship in the last few months. Please click over to this website to show her some love and support - I know I will! Love you, Jen!

Right on schedule

2011-05-12T14:16:00.000-04:00

Things are going right on schedule! AF came as expected and today was my last day of 10 units of Lupron. Tomorrow I'll start the "calendar" (as my clinic calls it). I'll be doing estrogen pills and patches along with 5 units of Lupron daily. Then, I'll start the Crinone, antibiotics and steroids a few days before the transfer. The transfer is still scheduled for May 31 (the day after Memorial Day), unless something goes wrong with my lining, in which case the transfer will be postponed.

I'm still having headaches and crappiness from the Lupron, but I'm hoping it will subside when I decrease the dose tomorrow. I'm in a totally different place mentally this cycle - not as cheery, calm and positive as I was last time. I'm also very stressed out with work. Hopefully things will calm down and I'll be in a better mindset, but I don't want to get my hopes up too much this time.

Lupron = rough!

2011-05-08T08:24:00.000-04:00

I've been on the Lupron for over a week now and it's been a little tougher this time. I've had pretty bad headaches every day and been VERY moody! I just got AF and will call tomorrow for my meds schedule. I'll be starting all those patches and pills later this week, I imagine. I hope these weeks go by fast, I just want to have the transfer ASAP!

I just got a call from my brother that his wife is pregnant, due in early December. It's the first grandchild in our family! It was nice of him to call me and let me know ahead of our mother's day get together today. I have to say, I don't feel bitter or resentful about it, just a tinge of jealousy. I am also really thrilled for them and if all goes well, maybe we'll be pregnant together. That would be really awesome for our family if that happens. If anyone I know IRL reads this, keep mum please!

IF on the brain!

2011-04-27T14:40:00.000-04:00

I was filling out visa paperwork for a client today and look what the security code was:

I swear, I can't get away from IF! LOL

In other news, I started Lupron today. Stopping BCP's next week, then the fun begins.

Bargain basement FET

2011-04-23T09:47:00.000-04:00

I'm absolutely floored by how "cheap" this FET is compared to the fresh cycle. The clinic sent me a quote of $1441.39 for the transfer (including thawing, culture, ultrasound and transfer). I got my meds yesterday and they were only $79! I guess all the Follistim and Menopur and other non-covered drugs add up on a fresh cycle. Even if we don't end up with a take home baby, our wallets will get a break this cycle.

FET schedule

2011-04-18T12:05:00.000-04:00

The FET is officially on the books. Schedule is as follows:

4/14 - Started BCP's
4/27 - Start Lupron
5/8 - Stop BCP / wait for period
Then comes a super complicated calendar of estrace / Lupron and patches
5/31 - Transfer date
6/9 (Approx) - Beta day

Maybe we'll have some good luck, finally!

Decision: made

2011-04-12T09:37:00.000-04:00

We thought about it over the weekend and have decided to go ahead with the FET. If this one doesn't work, we'll decide whether to switch clinics. I'll be starting BCP's in a few days. We are telling NO ONE in real life, not even our parents. (If anyone I know IRL reads this please keep mum). Transfer will be some time in May.

Finally saw the doctor...

2011-04-08T20:47:00.000-04:00

We finally had the follow-up consultation with the RE today. It only took a whole month after the IVF failure. *sarcasm* My questions and his answers were as follows:

Why is their FET success rate so low? (In 2009 it was only 18%).

Answer: Doc said that they had some issues with the lab which have now been resolved - something to do with chemicals seeping over from a neighboring office unit (!!!) He also says that they have taken some "borderline" cases, I guess meaning women who have a low chance of success, which other clinics don't take. With frozen transfers, it doesn't really matter who does the transfer, but rather the embryo quality and how they were frozen. I've also heard this from another doctor.

What's my AMH level?

Answer: They've never checked. They find that FSH is a better indicator of egg quality, while AMH reflects merely the quantity of eggs.

I asked if maybe my polyp has come back. Maybe there's something wrong with my uterus preventing implantation?

Answer: Sonohysterogram done in January indicated that there is nothing in there. The embryo makes its own environment, so as long as the lining measures OK, there should be an implantation problem unless there's a problem with the embryo.

Were my embryos good quality?

Answer: Yes, they wouldn't have been frozen if they were not. I have 4 5-day frosties and 1 6-day. (I thought it was the reverse). They'll freeze and transfer 2. If one of the 2 doesn't survive the thaw, then they'll thaw another one.

The doctor was very sympathetic of our situation and said that above all, they want us to succeed. They encouraged me to seek a second opinion. Now I need to decide whether to start the FET cycle right away or get another opinion and maybe switch clinics. Time is of the essence, as AF is (over)due and if I get it in the next few days, I'll have to start BCP's. Bunny wants to stick with the clinic and start right away. I'll think about it and decide in the next few days. What do you guys think?

100th post!

2011-03-24T21:06:00.000-04:00

Welcome to my 100th post! This blog started when my fertility treatment started and I can't believe it's been 100 posts. Thanks for sharing the journey with me.

I just got back from a much-needed vacation. It was nice to get away and recharge my batteries. I was hoping to have a message from my doctor's office when I got back, but no such luck. I called them today and scheduled a consult for April 8 to discuss next steps. I'm still not sure if I'll stick with them for the FET - I'll decide after the consult. To add insult to injury, I had a bill waiting for me when I got back of over $1800 for some things that my insurance didn't cover (apparently when they saw the "infertility" diagnosis, they denied EVERYTHING). I'm going to try and fight it a little bit, but I doubt they'll pay. I HATE that so few insurance companies cover fertility treatments.

I'm still feeling pretty bad about the IVF failure. Those first two weeks were the worst - I walked around in a total funk. I could barely get out of bed, go to work and get through my day. It's getting a little better (I've started exercising again and the trip really helped) but still not fully ready to get back on the horse for the FET. I imagine it will probably take place around May.

Grieving and moving on

2011-03-06T13:51:00.000-05:00

First, I appreciate everyone's support through this whole process. You ladies can really relate to what I'm going through, more than anyone I know in "real life." I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your thoughts, prayers and wonderful comments.

I had a rough day Friday after hearing the news. I got the news while at work, and had to keep myself together until I got home. I already pretty much knew it was over, so it wasn't a total shock. It was hard to break it to the Bunny, but he took it a lot better than I expected. He just comforted me and said we'll have to keep trying. After a lot of tears, now I just feel numb. I know it's not the end of the world. After losing my wonderful Dad at age 22, no other hardship in my life has been as bad as that. So, that helps me put things in perspective.

Now, I need to talk to my clinic to get their point of view on why this failed, especially since it was such a "perfect" cycle. I really like my clinic, but their frozen embryo transfer (FET) results are pretty dismal. There is a much better clinic about 30 minutes away in Philadelphia. So, I may switch clinics for the FET. I'm still waiting for AF to start, but we'd like to do the FET maybe in April or May. We have 5 frozen embies, so hopefully we'll get 2 FET's out of it.

Negatory.

2011-03-04T16:57:00.001-05:00

It's over for me. My beta was 5. I'm stopping the Estrace and Crinone today. They'll retest Monday to make sure it's all gone. So much for that.

Feeling pretty down...

2011-03-03T09:40:00.000-05:00

I have a confession to make. I actually started peeing on sticks on Monday! I didn't post anything up here because I wasn't getting clear results, so didn't want to make the same mistake as last time. I've had very light lines on the internet cheapies, FRER and Answer, but not really getting any darker, but not lighter either. After yesterday's beta, I decided to keep POAS so I'd see if it looked like my HCG level was increasing. As of today, still getting a very faint line on the internet cheapies, but the Answer was totally negative. I'm feeling like this pregnancy isn't going to last. Put it this way -- a beta below 10 isn't considered clinically pregnant. Mine was 11.5. I just don't see how that is viable. I guess I'll find out tomorrow, but not feeling hopeful about this cycle.

Beta results are in....

2011-03-02T13:48:00.002-05:00

Just got the call. Beta was 11.5 - pretty low. I was told to be "cautiously optimistic" but we need to retest Friday to see if it doubles, then every Tuesday and Friday from there. The nurse said they've seen betas as low as 6 lead to viable pregnancies. So, good news, bad news I guess.

The worst part of the wait

2011-02-28T11:41:00.000-05:00

Today I am 7DP5DT, or 12 DPO. I'm very anxious about the outcome of this cycle, as you can imagine! I've been sleeping fitfully and dreaming about peesticks. But, I'm trying to hold off until my beta, which will be Wednesday. I'm going in around 8AM for the blood test and will probably get the call around 1PM. I plan to leave work at noon, because I know that, good or bad, I'll have a lot of phone calls to make. If it's bad news, I don't know how I'll take it and I don't want to cry in front of my clients (been there, done that). I'll check in on Wednesday once I have my beta!

Frosty report...

2011-02-22T11:56:00.000-05:00

We got 5 frosties! Four were frozen yesterday, and one was frozen today. So that's good news too!

Officially PUPO

2011-02-21T17:03:00.000-05:00

The transfer was earlier today. I arrived at the clinic at noon with a full bladder (but luckily not uncomfortably full). We were brought in the transfer room and the nurse checked my bladder with the external ultrasound and found it to be full enough. The doc and embryologist came in. The embryologist advised me that we still have "several" growing embryos, but the two best were an AA and a BB grade (I think that's what she said). They gave me the option of transferring one or two. I chose to transfer one, which is what they advise for my age. We signed the consent and the doc placed the outer tube of the catheter through my cervix, which wasn't a big deal. Once it was placed, he sent the embryologist to pick up the embryo. She came back with it and he asked her what she had. She said "One blastocyst for [my name here]." It was very official. We watched on the external ultrasound while the embryo was transferred. Very cool! I thought they would give us a picture of it, like many clinics do, but they did not. I laid there for 30 minutes, then finally pee'd and headed home. I've been trying to relax as much as possible today, though I can't help but do laundry. I'll start the estrogen pills tomorrow, bloodwork on Thursday and then the beta will be Tuesday! But, I will consider myself PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise) until then. We'll get the freeze report tomorrow.

Transfer will be Monday!

2011-02-19T12:36:00.000-05:00

Things are going very well this cycle! We have 8 embies still growing as of today (which is day 3). So, we will have a 5-day transfer on Monday at around noon. I'm feeling OK, still not 100% I still have cramps, lower backache, and kind of a constipated, gassy feeling in my abdomen (sorry if TMI!) My belly is so swollen that I can't lay on my stomach at night, though I haven't gained that much weight. I'll have acupuncture on Tuesday, so that will be good timing. I'm surprisingly relaxed about this process and not stressing too much. I downloaded some guided meditation podcasts, so I'll be listening to them over the coming weeks as much as possible. I'll check back in Monday after the transfer!

Fertilization report

2011-02-17T10:56:00.000-05:00

Just got the call from the clinic. Out of my 12 eggs, 6 were ICSI'd and 6 were allowed to fertilize naturally. Of the 6 ICSI'd, 5 fertilized. Of the 6 natural ones, 4 fertilized. So, we have 9 embies in the running. I'm excited and relieved.

A dozen eggs, please!

2011-02-16T15:50:00.000-05:00

The retrieval was today, and they got a dozen eggs. The doctor said that it went "perfect" and that 12 is just what they were hoping for. I'm please about that number too, because it will give us a lot to work with. If some don't fertilize or aren't good quality, hopefully we'll have a few that are and some left to freeze. I'm hoping for a 4 or 5-day transfer. They have a very nice setup in their IVF center. I hadn't been there before, as it's separate from the rest of the clinic. They even gave me a nice fleece blanket with their logo on it. They will ICSI half of them and allow the other half to fertilize naturally. Bunny's sample was very good. I'm feeling crampy and tired, so taking it very easy for the next 2 days. I'll check back tomorrow once I hear the fert report.

Triggering tonight - retrieval Wednesday!

2011-02-14T19:44:00.000-05:00

Sorry for not updating more, it's just been a bunch of ultrasounds and bloodwork. I took my last stims last night and went in this morning for a final ultrasound. I have about 15-17 good follies (mostly all on my right ovary!) and will trigger tonight at 10PM. The retrieval will be Wednesday morning at 9:30 AM. I imagine the transfer will be Saturday, Sunday or Monday, depending on how the embies do. I've done well as far as side effects go, but as of this evening I'm starting to feel somewhat uncomfortable. I can feel a lot of cramping and pressure in my ovaries and lower back. I was told to be very careful with my physical activity due to the large number of follies - I guess they're worried about torsion or OHSS. I'll check in Wednesday after the retrieval!

Onward and upward...

2011-02-08T09:04:00.000-05:00

I had my 2nd scan today, after 4 days of stims. 24 follicles! Righty seems to be an overachiever, with 15 follies, and lefty lagging behind with 9. The largest was about 9mm and my lining was 5mm. I'll stick with the same doses and go back for another scan Thursday.

Baseline scan today....

2011-02-04T10:03:00.000-05:00

I had my baseline scan today. 21 antral follicles so far! I'll be starting 275 units of Follistim and 2 vials of Menopur tonight, also continuing with 5 units of Lupron.

My plan for stress relief

2011-01-23T21:13:00.000-05:00

I know that the IVF cycle is going to stress me out and I want to avoid obsessing over it. I'm therefore preparing a "kit" to help handle the stress: funny DVD's (I took "The Wire" off my Netflix queue for now and added a bunch of comedies and silly sitcoms), downloading lots of guided meditation podcasts, buying chocolates and other treats. I will also go to acupuncture as often as needed in the next few weeks. We planned a long weekend to Ireland and will be leaving about 3 weeks after "test day." That way, we can either celebrate our success or drown our sorrows if it doesn't work. Either way, it will keep my mind occupied. My mom forwarded me this article, which says that laughter after your IVF transfer could increase your chances. It's a good thing 30 Rock is back on - that show makes me laugh more than anything (except maybe Colbert!)

The Lupron is treating me well so far - no side effects that I've noticed. I'll stop BCP's on Tuesday, then stims next week.

Bring on the Lupron...

2011-01-19T10:59:00.000-05:00

I started the Lupron this morning and will have a date with the needle every morning for the next 4 weeks. Fun! Hopefully I won't get the dreaded side effects that everyone is talking about. Work is very busy but should slow down in the next few weeks, and I've cleared out my schedule for most of February. I found out yesterday that my "natural killer cells" bloodwork came back normal so that's good news. I'll check back in a few days.... running out the door for a meeting.

Pre IVF testing complete!

2011-01-11T11:38:00.000-05:00

Bloodwork - check!
Semen analysis - check!
Cervical culture - check!
Saline sonogram - check!
Trial transfer - OUCH! - check

As of today, all of our pre-IVF testing is complete. I had my trial transfer, cervical culture, and saline sonogram this morning. All went fine and no issues, but man, the trial transfer hurt! I guess my uterus deviates a little to the left (as the doctor put it) so they had issues getting the catheter to go to the correct spot. So, he poked around quite a bit in there and it hurt pretty bad! The saline sonogram was totally clear - my polyp of doom hasn't returned. I'm on BCP's till the 25th, antibiotics for the next 3 days, will be starting Lupron on the 19th and then starting stims Feb 4th! So, things are moving along fine. We did hit a bit of a speed bump with my bloodwork -- they found that I'm not immune to varicella (chicken pox) anymore, so they said I need to be vaccinated ASAP. Luckily, my local Wal.greens clinic does them, so I got the vaccine on Saturday. It could have screwed up the whole cycle, because you can't get pregnant for at least 30 days after the vaccine. But the timing of this vaccine was OK - the earliest date I could possibly be pregnant is the 17th of February.

Lots of stuff going on, I'll keep you all updated. I'm glad to see many of my blog friends are going through IVF around the same time as me - let's keep each other sane!

Here we go with IVF #1!

2011-01-05T17:03:00.000-05:00

Things are getting going with IVF #1! I'm starting birth control pills tomorrow and Lupron around the 19th. Then, I'll start stims shortly after that. Retrieval will most likely be the week of Feb. 14th, and transfer later that week or the following week. The only issue is that the Bunny will be away from Feb. 5 - 12th on a snowboarding trip with friends, and if retrieval ends up getting moved up a few days, he'll have to come home early. I have to try and talk about it with him tonight - he won't be happy at all if he has to cut his vacation short. I'm going to pick up the meds tonight. Exciting times!

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-23T15:51:00.000-05:00

I had a wonderful vacation in Colorado with my family. We drank gallons of red wine and beer and spent lots of time in the sperm-killing hot tub. A great time was had by all. We'll head down tonight to spend Christmas with the in-laws.

My husband's annual work Christmas party was yesterday. That was harder than I expected. I've been to the party yearly since we started dating in 2002 and have watched his co-workers' kids grow and grow. There are also a lot of new and growing babies every year. This year was particularly hard, as two of my husband's good work friends have new babies who everyone was cooing over. I know it's selfish, but it made me feel somewhat jealous and left out -- another work party with no baby. We ordered many pitchers of beer from this place afterwards, which helped.

Cycle wise, I ovulated late this cycle (Day 19, which is quite late for me). I was getting very annoyed at my "CBE" monitor when it wasn't giving me a peak day around CD 14-15, but sure enough, I got it at CD 19. The deed was done accordingly, though at this point it's kind of a joke that we are still even bothering to try naturally. I'll schedule my saline sonogram, trial transfer and bloodwork after my period shows and we should be good to go for IVF.

I wish you guys a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah (though I know that's over now), and Happy New Year. All the best to all of you for the New Year. Leaving you with one of my favorite Christmas songs (I prefer the humorous variety).

Notes from RE consult #3

2010-12-14T08:59:00.000-05:00

Following up on the last post, I did actually get AF later that day! So, that issue resolved, I guess. I should be ovulating sometime in the next few days, but this and the next cycle will be natural. Yesterday I met with a new RE from a famous national practice. It's in my state, but about an hour and a half from my house. I was in the "neighborhood" (relatively speaking) for work yesterday, so I made an appointment. The meeting was very interesting and I learned a lot of fascinating things. The doctor thinks that we have several factors at work here, all to do with me: 1) endometriosis - the fact that some was found and removed is important. He says even if it was a mild case, there can be damage or problems on a microscopic level that is causing problems. 2) my FSH level was a little high one of the times it was tested (it was 8.0 in September and 6.4 in October) - the 6.4 is OK but 8 means that it's creeping up. He says it normally goes up gradually over time with age, the fact that it's fluctuating could be an issue. 3) possibly an immunity issue, which also is linked to the endometriosis. He explained about how the body naturally fights off the endometrial cells when they leave the uterus, but those killer cells can also damage the egg when it is moving between the ovary and fallopian tube, causing it to not be fertilizable. (is that a word?) IVF solves this because the eggs are removed directly from the ovary. So, it can explain why, even though I'm ovulating and my tubes are open, I'm not getting pregnant. He did bloodwork to check my natural killer cells level, they have a treatment for people with high killer cells in IVF cases. Not all doctors believe in the science behind this, but the doctor who founded their clinic has done a lot of research on this and incorporated it into his treatment plans. He thinks there is no male factor in our case. We just did the killer cell bloodwork to see what shows up, but thinks I should go ahead with the IVF at my current clinic. Another interesting thing he said was that there could be a DQ Alpha match which prevents our pregnancy - basically, that we could be too genetically similar. So, it was pretty enlightening. We'll see what the bloodwork turns up.

In other news, heading on vacation from tomorrow till the 20th! Yay! Happy Holidays to everyone and thanks for all your support!

More drama..

2010-12-03T12:58:00.000-05:00

Sorry for not posting for a while! We've been busy the last few weeks with travel and general holiday craziness. Picking up where we left off last time, I got a copy of my file from my RE and reviewed it thoroughly. Nothing really stands out. All my bloodwork levels were normal, and DH's semen analysis was normal. I was a little concerned with his morphology - it was only 5% normal, but that is apparently in the "normal" range. So, no answers there. I touched base with the IVF coordinator about what I need to do now - she told me to call when I got my period (which was due last Friday or Saturday) to schedule the bloodwork and saline sonogram. I'm now on CD 35 and still no period. This is epically long for me - the longest cycle that I have had, possibly ever. I'm definitely not pregnant (trust me). So, I called my doctor yesterday to see what was up. They made me come in for a beta / progesterone test today and may have to give me something to start my period. This is truly bizarre. So, it's looking like it will be 2 more cycles till we start IVF.

IVF chat, part 2

2010-11-19T15:40:00.000-05:00

The last RE consult left me with kind of a bad taste in my mouth. I left feeling like the doctors aren't particularly interested in figuring out the cause of our infertility and that they're just advising us to move on to IVF because it's the next step. I also was somewhat annoyed that the doctor dismissed the chemical pregnancy, telling me that it was probably just the ovidrel. Other than semen analysis, no bloodwork or tests have ever been done on my husband. I also haven't had any tests other than hormone levels, saline sonogram and HSG. I'd be interested to have an immunology or RPL panel done to see if anything shows up there.

I have an appointment with a well-renowned clinic in another part of the state for a second opinion. I still plan to do IVF with my current clinic, but maybe this other doc can look at my chart and give me some insight as to what they think may be the problem.

I got the quote from the financial person at my clinic. The IVF will cost $6725 (including ICSI and freezing), plus the cost of meds. While it is quite expensive, it's a little cheaper than I expected. They mark it down a bit for people who are not insured. I'll talk to the IVF coordinator sometime next week to schedule the saline sonogram and bloodwork, so that we'll be ready to start in January or February.

Doctor consult post-mortem

2010-11-10T20:25:00.000-05:00

We had our consult with the doctor today to discuss our next options. It looks like IVF is in the cards for us. The doctor said that due to the high cost of the injectables cyles (about $1900 a cycle), it makes more financial sense not to do any more IUIs, but to go for IVF. They provide discounts to uninsured patients, but it's looking like it will be about $10K, including meds. She couldn't really give us any insight as to why all the failures. They don't do a lot of screening at this clinic, such as to check for chromosomal issues or recurrent pregnancy loss or anything like that. At least, not for us. We're "normal" according to them, though the doc did mention Bunny's low sperm counts which have gotten better since our first IUI's. She recommended that we ICSI at least some of the eggs. I raised concern that my luteal phase is getting shorter and shorter, she just said that I'll be given progesterone during the IVF cycle, like they do with all patients. We'll figure it all out over the next few months, then probably start treatment in the spring.

Moving on...

2010-11-01T11:07:00.000-04:00

I'm going to take a little break from the blog. I need to regroup and heal from this last IUI failure. I really lost it on Saturday but feeling much better today. I think I got it out of my system. The doctor is still making me go for a beta tomorrow, just to make sure it's not an ectopic or something, I guess. I guess I should be somewhat encouraged that "something" happened this cycle, even if it didn't stick. It shows that at least the eggs are capable of being fertilized. I'll decide later whether to move on to IVF or do one more IUI, after speaking with the doctor. Thanks for all the support, you guys are the best.

It's official - BFN

2010-10-30T09:38:00.000-04:00

It's official that this one was a BFN. Must have been a chemical or something. They say that the digital tests don't lie, but I guess this one did. The tests last night and this morning were clearly negative, then AF arrived. It sure was fun to be pregnant for 2 days. I'm going to call and cancel my beta for Monday. The sucky thing is that I told my husband and he was super excited.

I'm thinking that we may start IVF in the New Year. This IUI was picture perfect and it failed. I don't see the point of doing more IUI's if they're not going to work.

Inconclusive...

2010-10-29T07:39:00.000-04:00

I tested today and yesterday and the results are, well... inconclusive. I guess that's my punishment for testing too early. Yesterday I tested in the morning with an "internet cheapie" and it had a faint second line. I tested after work with a FRER and it was also very, very faintly positive. This morning, both the internet cheapie and the FRER were negative. I thought, what the hell, and peed on a digital and it was positive. So, no big announcement yet. I thought I'd have a blaring positive and be able to make a big announcement here, but it looks like it won't be official till I see a beta. Here's a pic for your viewing pleasure...

7 DP monitoring appointment...

2010-10-25T09:38:00.000-04:00

I had my 7 DP IUI monitoring appointment this morning. They drew blood to check my progesterone level and I learned my number from last cycle - it was 34, I think. They also did an ultrasound to check on my ovaries. The right one was pretty big and had 2 corpus lutei. There was a pocket of fluid outside my right ovary but the doctor said it should resolve itself. The left ovary was huge! and there were also 2 or 3 corpus lutei. She said I really need to take it easy until the ovaries get back to their normal size. I'll need to make it through this week and maybe I'll test on Friday or Saturday.

5 DP IUI...

2010-10-23T14:32:00.000-04:00

Not much to report at the moment. Bunny is camping this weekend, so I'm at home alone with the kitties, cooking up a storm. Tonight I'll go to the Philadelphia Film Festival and out to dinner with my sister in law. I made homemade chicken tortilla soup for lunch, check out the deliciousness...

I'll attempt homemade won tons tomorrow. Yum!

I'm not testing out the trigger this cycle. Why bother? It's fun to see those positive HPT's, but once they go negative it's a bummer. I know the trigger is probably out of my system by now. I'll try and wait to test until around 11 DPO or so, which is next Saturday I believe. I've had really bad dreams during the 2 week wait, both last cycle and this cycle. Last night I dreamed that I was undergoing chemotherapy. I literally thought to myself in my dream "this will kill the babies for sure, if there are any." How depressing!! Let's hope this week goes by quickly and that there is a BFP on the other side!

Post-IUI report

2010-10-18T16:00:00.001-04:00

The IUI was this morning. It went very well - the post-wash count was 43 million! I think an extra day of abstaining helped achieve a higher number. Ovulation pain started this morning, so I think the timing was just right. Let's hope I catch a break this cycle.

EDITED TO ADD:
I just realized that I didn't provide an update on Saturday. Well, I turned out to have 5 mature follicles when I went for monitoring Saturday morning. There were at least 3 in the 18+ mm range. The doctor said that I'll have a high risk for multiples and wanted to make sure I was open to selective reduction. So, it looks like I'll hopefully ovulate at least 2 or 3 mature eggs.

Triggering tomorrow...

2010-10-15T09:03:00.000-04:00

Things aren't growing as quickly as I thought. The largest follie I had this morning was at about 17, with a few others in the 14-15 range. I'm going to go in for monitoring again tomorrow, probably trigger then, and the IUI has been pushed to Monday. I put all my injectables stuff away last night cause I thought I'd taken my last shot, but I guess I'll be cracking another vial of Follistim tonight. I can't wait for this cycle to be over.

Almost time to trigger...

2010-10-14T09:47:00.000-04:00

I'm feeling better, still not 100% but the ear is feeling much better. I had my monitoring appointment yesterday morning and the largest follie was on the left and measuring about 18. I had a few smaller ones in the 14-15 range. It looks like I'll probably only ovulate one mature egg. I'm still on 275 units of the Follistim. They'll probably have me trigger tomorrow morning during my monitoring appointment, then do the IUI on Saturday (they don't open on Sundays). The timing of the trigger annoys me somewhat (since it's less than 36 hours before the IUI), but I guess it's the best they can do. My lining looked good, I think it was 9 mm. If I get a BFP, great. If not, at least I'll have a 2-month break from treatment.

Man oh man...

2010-10-11T16:29:00.000-04:00

Man oh man, this cycle has been something else. Yesterday morning I woke up and my right ear was swollen shut. Yes, that's right - ear infection! I had a similar infection in my other ear last year, so I guess my right ear wanted to join the fun. I took some drops left over from last time and some advil for the pain. I woke up this morning and it was even worse! Luckily I had a monitoring appointment first thing this morning, so I asked the doc if it was OK for me to take antibiotics and he said it was. I went to an urgent care clinic and they put me on steroids, antibiotics and drops. I'll go see a specialist tomorrow. Meanwhile, the doc wants to up my Follistim dose again to 275 units. The largest follie was at about a 9, so I guess he wants to see more growth. I really hope I don't get OHSS. I'll be back in there Wednesday, so we'll see.

Somewhere out there...

2010-10-09T15:11:00.000-04:00

I was cleaning out our crawlspace today and came upon a box of my old stuff from when my parents moved out of my childhood home. It was mostly things that were in my old bedroom. I found two music boxes that I had completely forgotten that I owned. I don't even remember now when they were given to me or by whom. But, one of them plays that song "Somewhere Out There." I'm going to put it on my dresser with all my baby talismans (St. Gerard medal, fertility crystals, etc.) to remind me that my baby is somewhere out there in the universe.

In other news, I had a scan this morning. I don't remember how many follies there were - I believe there were 3 or 4 dominant ones total. The doc is increasing my Follistim dose to 200 units. I guess he thinks I'm not responding quite good enough. My next scan will be Monday.

I've decided to register for an 8k in Philly taking place about a month and a half from now. I ran a 5k pretty easily back in April and I think I'm up for the challenge. The Bunny will run it with me. I know I'm not supposed to run or jog during the treatment, but I'll talk to the doc about it Monday. The inactivity is really getting me down. Hopefully they'll let me do a little running, as long as I take it easy.

Here we go again...

2010-10-06T13:05:00.000-04:00

I had my first monitoring appt today, CD3. Blah blah, a cyst left over from last month, some antral follicles... start tonight with 150 units of Follistim... blah. I'm very unmotivated and OVER IT this cycle. I almost cried at the appointment because they told me I'd need to come in Saturday morning and probably Monday as well. We had plans to go down to our beach house for the long weekend, leaving Friday night and coming back Monday. Now we'll have to leave Saturday morning and come back possibly Sunday night, which neither of us wanted to do. I'm just so SICK of infertility. I'm sick of having to rearrange my plans for these stupid monitoring appointments. I'm sick of having to tell people about my treatments, and update them when the treatment fails. I can't freaking believe that it's October 2010 and we still don't have a child. I expressed my frustration with the doctor, and she reassured me that it will work for us, not to worry, we're doing everything right, etc. I can't wait for this cycle to be over so we can have a few months' break!

It's officially official - IUI#4 = FAIL

2010-10-04T15:14:00.000-04:00

"AF" arrived today (12 DP IUI). So that's that. We're going right into IUI #5. I can't believe I'm typing that - I long for the naive days when I thought I'd conceive on my first or second IUI. This will be our last IUI of the year. If we get lucky, it will work. If not, we'll try naturally (which is a joke at this point) till the new year, then re-evaluate at that time. It's looking like IVF may be in the cards for next year. My first monitoring appointment will be Wednesday.

I tested today and ...

2010-10-04T07:26:00.000-04:00

BFN. I knew waking up this morning that my period is on her way. All the signs were there. I'm not even going to bother testing again, there's no point, really. I'm disappointed but not inconsolable. On to IUI #5 and cycle #34 (!!) TTC.

Notes from the 7 DP IUI monitoring appointment...

2010-09-29T17:02:00.000-04:00

I had my 7 DP IUI monitoring appointment this morning. When I was taking the Clomid, they simply did bloodwork to check my progesterone level. With the injectables, they also do an ultrasound to make sure the ovaries look OK. Mine looked fine - the doctor counted 4 "CL's" (I assume she meant corpus luteum's (lutei?) - 2 on each side. Does this mean that I ovulated 4 eggs?? I didn't ask. Anyway, they said they'd call if my progesterone was low and have me start suppositories. They didn't call, so I assume it was OK. I won't test (or probably post) again till Monday, which will be 12 DP IUI. This time, they told me to wait until 14 DP IUI, and if no period, call them to schedule a beta the following day. So, theoretically I may have a beta next Thursday. We shall see - one thing at a time.

Geez... thanks a lot, pajama pants.

2010-09-28T20:19:00.000-04:00

I've had these flannel pajama pants for about 7 years. They've come in handy during these bloated days due to their forgiving drawstring waist. When I was putting them on, I noticed the tag.

Gosh, even my pajama pants are telling me to "just relax."

4 DP IUI

2010-09-26T12:57:00.000-04:00

I'm checking in today, 4 DP IUI. I'm having major GI issues (mainly constipation) and lots of cramping and lower back pain. I'm not sure if it's my digestive system or my uterus which is the source of the cramping. My boobs are sore, but I believe that is from the HCG trigger. I've been very "good" this cycle so far about not drinking coffee or alcohol. Past cycles, I kept drinking coffee and had a drink or two during the 2ww, partly because I didn't think it would hurt anything if I did. This time, I'm trying to really take care of my body, just in case this IUI worked. Mentally, I'm feeling very calm and positive.

Still testing out the trigger and it was positive as of today. I'll keep testing every other day till it's gone, then stop testing till hopefully next Monday (12 DPO). We're heading out of town to Virginia next weekend for an ultimate frisbee tournament that Bunny is playing in. I won't bring any tests with me, so that I won't be tempted!

Just for fun, here's the series so far. The numbers next to the tests are days past trigger. Based on previous cycles, the tests turn negative by around 8 DPT. These are Wondfo tests, which I find to be accurate. I have a zillion of them. Thanks for all the comments - I was hearing crickets around here for awhile! Glad to hear you all are reading and supporting me - I appreciate it!

IUI was this morning...

2010-09-22T14:00:00.000-04:00

I had the IUI this morning. Bunny's post-wash count was 26 million, not too shabby. When I signed the paper saying that the sample was his, I noticed a note at the bottom saying something about liquefaction and "reduced motility." The doctor and nurse didn't comment on it, though, just said that it was a good count. If these IUI's fail, I'll ask them about it. It makes me wonder if something is up with Bunny's semen. I've been having ovulation pain on both sides since last night. Hopefully I will O some time today. I plan to test out the trigger till it's gone, then hopefully stop until at least 10 or 11 DPIUI. The good thing is that we're going away next weekend, so I can leave the tests at home and that will stop me from caving!

Triggering tonight!

2010-09-20T17:48:00.000-04:00

I had my last monitoring appointment this morning. I have two big follies (both measuring around 20mm) on the right side, plus a few smaller ones which probably won't produce an egg. I've gotten the go ahead to trigger tonight. The IUI will be on Wednesday morning (CD 13). I'm stoked because I only went though one vial of Follistim, so I have a ton left (2 600mcg vials) for future IUI's. If we repeat next month (here's hoping we won't need to!) then I'll only need to order Ovidrel. It's always nice to save a dollar or two (or several hundred)...

Quick monitoring update... CD9

2010-09-18T16:23:00.000-04:00

The monitoring appointment this morning turned up one dominant follicle at 16mm and a few smaller ones. The doc thinks I'll probably trigger Monday or Tuesday. It seems quite early, since Monday is only CD 11. He said he has high hopes for me this cycle, but if this one doesn't work they may increase the Follistim dose next time so I'll have more mature follicles. I'm still on 100 mcg. I haven't even gotten through one vial of the meds this month, so hopefully the other two vials in my fridge will carry me for another cycle. I'll check in again on Monday.

The doctors keep telling me that everything is "perfect" and that they think I'll get pregnant this time, but it doesn't ever actually happen. I'm not going to get my hopes up until I see a positive pregnancy test. Not sure yet whether I'll test out the trigger, but I probably will. I'm really going to try and hold off starting "official" testing until at least 12 DPO. Let's see if I have the discipline!

CD 7 - monitoring appt...

2010-09-16T20:35:00.000-04:00

I had my second monitoring appointment this morning. This time it was a nurse practitioner I hadn't seen before. She just did a very quick wanding and told the nurse (not me) what she saw. It was all a blur but I believe she said that there were eight follicles on one side and nine on the other?? Either that or she was saying that there was one that measured 8 mm and one that measured 9. All she told me was that I have follicles growing but they need to keep monitoring me. I'm still on 100 mcg of the Follistim and I'll go back for my third appt on Saturday. I assume my bloodwork was OK, since they didn't call me with the results or tell me to change my dosage.

Baseline ultrasound...

2010-09-13T09:24:00.000-04:00

I had my first ultrasound and bloodwork this morning. The uterine lining is "nice and thin" according to the doctor. I have 7 possible follicles on either side. I don't really know what that means exactly, or how many will actually develop into eggs, but the doctor said it's very good. I'll start 100 IU Follistim tonight and go in for my next ultrasound and bloodwork on Thursday.

CD1 - it's on...

2010-09-10T10:00:00.000-04:00

AF arrived today very unexpectedly. This was my shortest cycle yet - 25 days, with a 10 day luteal phase. Freaks me out a little. I have my first monitoring appt on Monday morning and will be starting the Follistim then as well... wish me luck.

Acupuncture, take 2

2010-09-08T10:43:00.000-04:00

I started acupuncture again yesterday. I found a new practitioner close to work which will be much more convenient. I had my consultation, and she told me that I'm showing signs of liver, kidney and some spleen deficiency. She also said my heart pulse was weak. So, I'll be getting treatment once a week for a few weeks, then down to maybe once every two weeks. I really missed it. I'm 9 DPO today and don't feel especially pregnant, so I doubt I am. I had some major GI issues over the weekend which haven't fully resolved, but I was traveling and eating lots of rich food, so that's probably the cause. I had a lot of cramping and pressure in my abdomen yesterday, but not putting much stock in any of it. I'm expecting AF on Monday, then it's on for IUI #4!

The Hail Mary cycle

2010-08-30T20:50:00.000-04:00

I'm on CD15 of our "Hail Mary" cycle before we do IUI #4. I've been using the CBE monitor this month and got "peak" days on Saturday and Sunday, a glaring positive OPK yesterday and I think I ovulated this morning from the left side. We did the deed accordingly. I'm going to start seeing a new acupuncturist near my office - I'm waiting for her to call and schedule a consultation. I've really missed it since I stopped going in February and I've decided it's worth the expense. I'm going to try and do IUI #4 and 5 back to back in Sept / Oct, then if they both fail we'll reevaluate in the New Year. I'm feeling good mentally and enjoying what's left of the summer. I hope you all are doing well - things have been quiet around here so I hope someone is still reading. I don't track my analytics because I'm terrified of finding out that someone I know in real life is reading. I don't know why that freaks me out, but it does!

Chillaxing

2010-08-21T17:53:00.000-04:00

Checking in from our beach house. Sooo glad we put off the injectables IUI till next cycle. I had court three days in a row last week so it would have really screwed up my schedule if I'd had to go to the RE at 7AM on those days. I've run a few miles this week and because we put off the IUI, we have been able to come down to our beach house this weekend. I'll also be coming down next weekend, when my mom and siblings will all be down. I used the CBEFM for the first time today, we'll see how that goes. I was hesitant to buy it, but I figured what the hell, I've tried everything else. I got it used off e.bay. Last cycle was really weird because AF showed up two days late (on CD 30) - I would have been freaking if I didn't know with 100% certainty that I wasn't pregnant. Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys the rest of their summer!

A change in plans...

2010-08-13T10:20:00.000-04:00

We decided last night to postpone this IUI until September. The juggling of work obligations, family obligations and other commitments this month was getting to be too much for both of us. We have a lot going on this month, both work-wise and family-wise, so we decided last night to put off the IUI till September, when we have nothing going on. My plan for this month is to exercise as much as possible, as I am carrying a few extra pounds as a result of studying for the bar exam day and night. I also want to enjoy the little bit of summer that we have left. I'm going to try out my recently acquired Clear.blue Easy Fer.tility Mon.itor for the first time this month. I'll check in later this month with "CBEFM" reports.

Meds are here!

2010-08-07T10:04:00.000-04:00

Got the meds on Thursday. They came in a huge box, but barely filled the bottom of it. At least my cats have a new box to play with. I'm expecting AF this Friday, then the monitoring will start the following week. Should be fun!

Public service announcement

2010-08-02T12:19:00.000-04:00

I was driving through rural Delaware yesterday on my way home from the beach and saw not one, but two billboards warning women not to smoke while pregnant. Do they really need to put out an all-points bulletin on that one??

Ouch.

2010-07-30T22:17:00.000-04:00

I ordered my Folli.stim for the upcoming cycle - the price was shocking!! Over $1500 for 3 600 ml vials of it, plus the Ovi.drel. I'm not familiar with the dosages of Folli.stim, but isn't 1800 ML a lot for one cycle? Is this supposed to carry me through several cycles? Any input is appreciated. Ugh, I'm still reeling over this price.

Feeling strangely great...

2010-07-25T19:26:00.000-04:00

I had to share this, because it's something I haven't experienced in a while. As I've mentioned before, I have a history of depression dating back to at least when I was a teenager, possibly even earlier. I wasn't officially diagnosed until my early 20's. It's not severe and it's been managed with fairly low doses of meds, on and off, for about 6 or 7 years. I used to think it was SAD, until I started getting depressed in the summer too. I have been off the meds since around January, because I was worried it would affect my TTC. I felt like I was sliding back into depression in May, and that's when I started seeing the infertility counselor. I've been feeling good this summer and not having my usual symptoms (not being able to get up in the morning, high anxiety, lack of concentration at work, etc) Anyway, I took last week and this week off work (let's call it a "stay-cation", but actually it's because I'm re-taking the NJ bar exam. Long story, since I'm already licensed in PA, I don't really want to get into it now. Let's keep it under our hats, shall we?) I have been feeling absolutely GREAT this last week. Is it because I'm getting about 10 hours of sleep a night? Is it because the last 2 months of working and studying 24-7 is nearly over and I can finally enjoy my summer? I don't know, but I can't remember the last time I felt this good. On Friday night, I sat outside on my deck with my husband, books and a glass of wine for over 2 hours and it was absolutely divine, I tell you. There were goldfinches and hummingbirds on the bird feeders, and it was a beautiful, balmy night. Anyway, I want to memorialize this moment on my blog, because I don't feel this great that often!

Gearing up for IUI #4...

2010-07-22T17:45:00.000-04:00

I was holding out the (irrational and unrealistic) hope that maybe I'd get magically pregnant naturally last cycle, but it didn't happen. You would think after 30 cycles of negative pregnancy tests, I would learn my lesson. It's highly unlikely to happen this month, too. So, I'm gearing up for my 4th IUI next month. I expect that it will probably happen the 3rd week in August. Unfortunately, that is when I was planning to spend time down at the beach with my family, but the IUI takes precedence. I seriously considered putting the IUI off another month so that I could have some beach time this summer, but I don't want to drag it out anymore. I want to get in at least 2 injectable IUI cycles before the end of the year so that we can pursue IVF early next year, if necessary. I'm going to order the meds next week so I'll be ready to go.

We just planned a fun trip to Colorado the week before Christmas and may also take a Caribbean vacation over Thanksgiving. We also are going to DH's hometown over Labor Day for a wedding, so we have some travel to look forward to in the next few months.

A quick apology...

2010-07-21T20:50:00.002-04:00

A quick apology for the goofed-up design of the blog this week. I'm updating the design and it may look jacked up for a few days... Stay tuned and thanks for reading.